So, I write this for two reasons:
1) To show the Glory of Jesus through healing
2) To show the power of faith over fear.
Today I had a check-up at the Arrhythymia(100% sure I misspelled this) doctor for my heart, and I am so excited to say that for the first time in a very long time, I had a normal EKG! YAY. Praise Jesus, who is THE God of healing, and loves us so much to work miracles (even small ones) in our lives. I guess I can finally confirm that I think I have finally "grown out of it," like they kept telling me I would. I know in my heart though that this goes way deeper than "growing out of something."
God can use anything and everything to get our attention about issues in our lives that don't bring Him honor. This heart flutter thing, which really, in all reality, was never a huge life-threatening deal, has held me in so much bondage over the past year. After feeling light-headed and tired 24/7 last summer, I passed out one night around 4 am, freaked my husband out, and rode in an ambulance to the hospital and run tests all day. I had to go back the following week because I passed out again, and that time, they kept me overnight to run tests while I was sleeping, or trying to sleep. My heart rate never went above 40 when I was sleeping and 50 when I was awake. My blood pressure was crazy low, and my heart was doing these weird flutter things that I could feel. I was told that it would be something that would go away with time, that I just needed to eat/drink more salt, workout less, and stay better hydrated, and that was all I could do. So, me being the control freak that I am, tried to take the matter into my own hands, and I made the decision to live in bondage over this for the past year. There have been times in which I've been with a group of people, and I would have these weird panic attacks that I was going to pass out and not wake back up. I would especially have them if Daniel wasn't there with me. A lot of times I felt like I could barely feel my heart beating, and I would feel like I was just floating around. Anyway, it was a little scary, and it was based on real symptoms. But I truly feel like I took what little symptoms I had and acted out in fear. I knew the whole time that I had a choice--to either act out in fear, or take a deep breath, pray (literally out loud and ask Jesus to be the strength of my heart). Many, many times I acted out in fear and allowed it to paralyze me from fully experiencing amazing opportunities and situations that God put right before me. I've heard a wise man say that "what you fear reveals where you trust God the least." This was definitely true in my life. Hebrews 11:6 says that "without faith, it is impossible to please God." :) My faithless heart did not please God.
Well, I went to my Arrhythmia doctor 3 months ago, this past May, and I still wasn't feeling 100%. My heart rate was still around 45, and I had low blood pressure. After I went to Peru a couple of weeks after that, in June, some cool stuff happened that made me realize the power of prayer and believing in Jesus' power to heal. I really made a decision to start receiving that healing that Jesus desperately wanted to give me. That has been my prayer for the past couple of months. I prayed hard, persistently, and boldly for awhile. I have been relentless. There have been several times since June that I would be in bed and I would have those feelings, and with Daniel by my side, I would cry out to Jesus, saying that I received His healing, and the spirit of infirmity had no hold on my life. There is power in the name of Jesus. There is power in consistently calling out to Him. There is healing in that!! Jesus was just waiting on me to give Him control and show Him that I had faith that one who actually made me could actually heal me of this! Psalm 139--He made me and He knows me way better than I know myself.
The last time that I can truly say that I have had an "episode" was around July 20th!! Since then, I have felt like I had a heart that didn't flutter. I have been able to workout, run, and enjoy life without living in such dumb fear about my heart. I can confirm that as of today, my EKG didn't have any issues, my heart rate was 62, and my blood pressure was normal! :) That's actually really weird. Another cool aspect behind all of this was today, since my appointment was in the afternoon, I saw the nurse practitioner instead of the doctor. There is a really sweet nurse there that also works in the cardiac department at the hospital. She and her family made an impact in Daniel's life while he worked at AnMed, and we both really look up to her. When I was in the hospital a year ago, I was really scared, and she knew that I believed IN Jesus, so she prayed with me before I had to have some weird test done to make me pass out. Her praying with me brought me remarkable peace. That meant so much to me, and I will remember that for the rest of my life. Well, she just recently became a nurse practitioner with the doctor I went to today, and she did my check-up! So cool, Jesus!
I know that it's not like God raised me from the dead. I know that compared to what so many people have been through and experienced, this is so small. But this has been my reality for awhile now, and Jesus has answered me. Glory! I've made a decision to live by fear, not by faith. I know Jesus' truth and His promises. Last week was a little tough. Honestly. I told God last Monday when we were driving back from Myrtle Beach that I felt like my life was too easy--that it has been way too easy to be content lately. Well, he definitely shook some stuff up last week, and in the midst of that, I could feel this anxiety about my health creeping back in. I had to make a decision to trust God's faithfulness over my fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 says that He hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline. Live that out.
We have to get to a point in which we trust God no matter what the circumstance may be. God > current circumstances. He is my strength. Psalm 73:26 says: "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." I am filled with His faithfulness, and I am going to make the daily choice to believe that Jesus is greater than my fear.