"For when I am weak, then I am strong"...and new opportunities

In exactly one month I start probably one of the biggest opportunities that I have ever been presented with! Our church has started a 9-month, full-time, apprenticeship program, and I am so incredibly humbled beyond words that I would even be one of the people chosen for this, and to say that I am excited is an understatement! I have felt called into ministry since my sophomore year of college. I have a huge desire for people to experience true healing--the kind that only Jesus can give! My desire is for each and every person to know 100% that their life has meaning and purpose and that they mean the world to Jesus. I want my passion for that to be contagious. However, I know that there are areas that I lack in as a leader, so I am so pumped to have the opportunity to learn from the coolest, most influential people. I would start tomorrow if I could. Like I said, I am so unbelievably humbled that I get to be a part of this. I know that anything great that God calls us to is only because of His greatness, not ours. But I am human, and there are particular areas of my life that I feel like don't match up to others--areas that Jesus and I have a lot to work on--weaknesses

For example, I'd be lying if I told you that I have a way with words. I feel like I am actually the opposite. There are many occasions in which I have a difficult time putting into words the glorious thoughts that are running through my head. I usually stutter because I get so excited when I talk, and I try to say about five different things at once, and then it just sounds like gibberish!! Basically, you can call me Alison Moses Stall.  Moses tried to talk God out of sending him to rescue the Israelites in Exodus chapter 4, although God had clearly revealed Himself to Moses in chapter 3 and laid out His whole plan for him! Like Moses, I have seen the power of God numerous times in my life! I have seen full out miracles. God has done miracles in my life. I have seen Him as healer, provider, sustainer, redeemer, etc, etc., but I still sometimes struggle with who I am IN Jesus. It's easy to feel like I don't match up to others in areas like wisdom and confidence in my ability to do what the Lord has called me to do. In Exodus 4, we see that Moses tried to talk God out of His plan--all because He was unsure of His ability to live out what God had so clearly called him to do!!  

So, it would be really dumb for me to stay in this place of beating myself up because of areas in which I fall short. Like Moses, I battle with God over the cool opportunities He puts in front of me. (Although He hasn't called me to rescue a group of people and bring them to a promised land) But I have to be aware of the fact that my Jesus completely trumps these feelings.  His Spirit resides in my heart, and that should be enough. Yes, I must know that without Him I am weak, but I must turn those thoughts into ones that glorify Him---just like Paul did in the first half of 2 Corinthians 12(specifically verses 9 and 10!) Only with Jesus, when I am weak, I am strong! For example, I went to a preview for an upcoming Theology Class at church last week. It.was.so.awesome! However, about 10 minutes into the class, I was blown away by how much I have to learn about my creator. I worship Jesus. I am in love with Him. But I don't fully know Him…yet! I could have left there feeling set back, but instead, I choose to feel challenged and encouraged because of the fact that I have a God who is impossible to fully understand, and that is awesome! He is just that good!! This makes me continue to seek Him out. This is growth! When I was 18 years old, I got a tattoo put on my foot so that I would have to look at it every day and be reminded of Philippians 3:13-14, which says: "Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." I press onto know Him more, and follow Him each and every single day.

Ya'll, Jesus is meticulous. He does not make mistakes. He made you and me with PURPOSE. As His children, we are not accidental, we are God-intended!!I have to trust Him and know fully that He is a master creator. Psalm 139 says that even before I was born, He "saw my unformed body" and all the days before me were written in His book (v. 16). I look back over these past 24.5 years of my life, including the 6 years that I have believed and trusted in Him, and I see clearly how HE has worked everything out to make me into who I am today.--All of the JOY, all of the PAIN, all of the MISTAKES, all of the RIGHT CHOICES, and all of the REJECTION-- Everything I've done and all that I have experienced has prepared me for what He has called me to do during this season of life! Only Jesus can do that. That's awesome.

I am constantly in awe of who my Jesus is and all that He is doing in my life, despite my weaknesses. Before you and I were born, God had a plan. Just like God called Jeremiah (Jeremiah ch1), He gave me an assignment and called me to just live it out. I live it out by remembering each and every day WHO I live for, and WHY I live for Him. Each day I have to be thankful that I am alive, I must give Him praise for all He has given me, and then i have to die to myself so that He can be seen through me.  The truth is, we never really feel ready to do what the Lord calls us to do. He doesn't call me to feel ready; He calls me to simply just follow Him, one step at a time, all the while doing my best to make Him look good, no mater what I am doing. I know that I am constantly growing, and that is what He desires of me-- that each and every day I will continue to mature because of who He is IN me! He is only getting started with me. 

My prayer is that each and every day, no matter what I am doing, Jesus is seen clearly through me. My desire is: 1) For my joy and passion for Jesus to be CONTAGIOUS 2) That He will continue to form me into someone who is worth following. I also know that my calling before anything having to do with ministry is to be a wife, and to be a dang good one at that because Daniel needs and deserves to see Jesus in me. I love Him, and I know that if I fail as a wife, then my ministry will fail as well.  That is my #1 calling after being a child of God. And besides that, he is the one who works his butt off, deals with people in a hospital, and yet he still has supernatural patience and love. I admire him for that If I am not faithful in the small things, I will fail in the big things. Jesus is constantly making something beautiful out of my life, and I am loving the journey.