Me Viniste A Rescantar

So, I guess I'm not as good at this whole bloggig thing as I thought I would be...its been a couple of months. But I feel like the couple of times that I did actually want to say something, my life was once again changing, so it would be pointless. I know I'm kinda a dramatic person, but the past couple of months have been CRAZY. Today I haven't been able to get my mind off of the word "thankfulness." I have so much to be thankful for right now. God is providing for me, and even though I stress and worry, things really are beginning to fall into place. I'm at an awkward time in life...GRADUATING IN MAY!...but no grad school/seminary/atlanta/going overseas like I previously thought I would. Instead, I'm just staying right here in Statesboro...so watch out Statesboro. It sounds so weird, and I'm battling with it like crazy...because if I had to have it my way, I probably wouldn't be here. I'm glad that the majority of my close friends will be living here...but I feel like a lot of the things that make up that next step in my life aren't in Statesboro. I'm about to be in 4 weddings in the next 6 or 7 months, and I am so so so excited about that and so happy for my best friends...it's just weird that everybody is growing up and getting jobs and husbands, and I'll be in Statesboro...But things are somewhat falling into place, and God is continuing to show me how sovereign He is....and that's not to be said lightly. He knows what is perfect for me, and my life is anything but lame (duh), so I know there's an exciting road ahead. I struggle so much with being selfish and living out this vision that God has given me...I need to give everything I have everyday, no matter where I am...and there is SOMETHING INCREDIBLE going on in Statesboro, and I do want to be a part of it. There's so much going on here that is kept on the downlow. People don't talk about it, but it's there, and it needs to be talked about. Something big is going on here, but at the same time, I'm not feeling this whole America thing. I know I just need to give everything I have and just enjoy Him. If you're close to me, you probably know that I fail at this, but it's what God has called me to...to give it all. It's hard for me to do that in America. I just want to be honest and transparent with people, but I want there to be something different about me. I make so many mistakes every day, which is really cool if you think about it because it gives God so much room to keep changing me. There are times when my mouth and my heart are definitely not very honorable. I'll say or think things and I'm just like "omg, wow that was pretty lame Alison." I'm still learning so much...from God and from people all over the world...and that is what makes me enjoy Jesus. I've got a lot to learn though. I'm still really confused.

I just got back from Tapachula, Mexico. I got to spend the week with the most loving, amazing people. Since I've been in college, I've been so so so incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to go to different places to do mission work, both internationally and domestically. Just to be able to experience these opportunities is a blessing in itself. It's been so amazing to pour out some, feel like my life has purpose, and learn so much through these trips. Doing this kinda stuff is where I feel close to God. So, 8 of us (Tammy, Becca, Colleen, Caitlin, David, Jon, Spencer, and myself) were given the opportunity to go to Tapachula for a week. Since January, we have been meeting every Sunday night for about 2 hours to pray together, get to know each other better, and plan a retreat. I knew this trip was going to be different because we each had a packet that had pictures of each of the kids with their stories. We got the packet at the end of last fall, when we all felt called to go. So by the time spring break rolled around, we had been praying for these kids by name, fastng on occasion, and learning their names and faces. So, by the time we got there, I felt like I already knew them all. I'm so thankful that we had that sheet.
Anyways, about what all went down.....you should look at my pictures, because that tells more of the story, and it somewhat tells the stories of these people. But just a little background info...We went through a mission called Mission on the Move. Steve and Hope Shearhouse are the directors (Ma Hopie and Pop Steve). They have a ministry in Honduras and Tapachula. I've been to Honduras with them twice, so it was so cool to see what they do in Tapachula...It was completely different than Honduras. In Tapachula, they run an albergue, which is different from an orphanage because many of the kids do have parents, but they've asked for the ministry to take them in (it's kinda complicated). Most of the parents are in prison. But some have since then gotten out of prison for some reason or another, but they still can't take care of the children. Some of them, mostly the fathers are nowhere to be found. Some are in prison, some are nowhere to be found. Some are dead. I want so badly for people to hear about their stories, their lives, and what they've been through. And I've been praying about how much is too much to share, but they've had some terrible, awful things happen to them. To me, children are so so so innocent. Many of the children have been raped( by their own fathers and other men)...over and over again. Many have been sexually and physically abused. Some have been sex slaves, sold by their own fathers. Some have STD's. Some have witnessed their fathers commit murder. Some of their parents have been in gangs. Some of their parents have died becasue of their lifestyle. They've been neglected and disowned. Pretty much all of them have been exposed to drugs and/or alcohol. It's like a cycle, and it's a part of their culture. But because of God's grace and the ministry there, they have been rescued. They've been given life....and they have so much joy. Each child has a testimony that will tear your heart up...I don't care who you are or how you view Jesus... Each story shows God's faithfulness, and their lives exemplify one of my favorite verses--->Romans 8:28.

On Friday, March 12, We flew from Savannah--->Houston--->Mexico City---> Tapachula. We had a 5 hour layover in Mexico City and I'm a curious person and I love different cultures, so it was cool to just watch the people there. We got to Tapachula around 1 am, and Faustino (one of the house parents) drove us to the place where we would be putting on a retreat for the teenagers. For the next 3 days, we put on a retreat for them, and it was so cool to be a part of God working out this healing process in each one of their lives. We split up into teams because we did games and competition stuff throughout the weekend. We had different sessions, and we talked to them about worshipping God, dating/sex, serving, love/forgiveness, alcohol/drugs, and healing. By the last night, God had done so many miracles in their lives, and they had so much hope and joy on their faces, and it was so cool to watch that. The rest of the time we were there, we stayed at the albegues. There was a girl's home and a boys home, but they were right down the street from each other, so it's like a big family of 40 something kids/teens...ages ranging from 5-17. The guys on our team (Spencer, Jon, and David) stayed at the guys house, and Tammy stayed there too because she stayed in Hope and Steve's apartment that's connected to the guys home. The girls on our team (Colleen, Caitlin, Becca, and Me) stayed at the girls home. Both of the houses are beautiful---they were comfortable inside, even though it was so hott.... and there is just so much love and joy from all of the kids living there. We got to paint a lot because they're having an open house soon to promote their ministry. We painted some on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. But we got to be a part of a lot of other really cool stuff too. One of the days we took the younger kids, about 25 of them, to a water park. They were all really excited because they don't get to do stuff like that often. Obviously it wasn't a water park like we have here, but it was pretty legit I guess. I got to spend a lot of time with the most precious little girl you will ever meet! Her name is Leti. She's six, and I absolutely fell in love with her. She had never been in the water before, but she wanted to keep going down the slide, so she would sit in my lap, over and over and over again. I think i went down the slide like 30 times, and I was scared I was going to break my legs becasue the water was so shallow. But it was so much fun. I know I'm not the most responsible person yet, but I'm falling more and more and more in love with children, and it's cool to think about hopefully having my own one day. Anyways, the water park was a lot of fun.

Another thing we got to be a part of was going to the prison, where a lot of their parents are. I had never been to a prison before, much less a Mexican prison, and it was far from what I expected. The day before we went to the prison, we heard more awful stories about the things that these children had been through, and we were told that we would be meeting these men the next day....the same men that abused and manipulated these precious childen. The situation rises to a whole new level when you actually hold these children, play with these children, read to them, and live with them. It becomes more life like (if that makes sense). God has been continually bringing up the issue of justice in my life, and that is where my vision is--->to be a voice for those who don't have one, especially for women and children that are sexually exploited, which affects over 27 million people worldwide everyday...but thats a different story for a later day, and I'm still figuring out what to do with all that. I think I speak for several of us in saying that we wanted to go in there and put those men in their place and probably beat them up, but those thoughts went away, only because they had to...and that HAS to be God. It made me realize how hard it is to balance this whole compassion/grace and judgement. When you hear the stories, you want to be mad, but it takes God humbling you to realize who are we do judge what these men have been through? I've screwed up a lot in my 22 and a half years of life. I've hurt a lot of people too, and I've done some screwed up things too. and it's not my place to look down on them....and that is only because of God. I think it took a lot of humility for all of us. We spent a lot of time praying that night and the next morning, and God spoke to me through people on our team. We went to the men's prison first, and it was a lot different than what I expected. It was like a little community inside the prison. There were a lot of men who are of course locked in, but they are given the freedom to walk around in this little community as they please. They aren't given food in prison, but I think they are given a certain amt. of money each month to do with as they please. It has it's own economy because they make things to sell, and they sell food. They also have people bringing in things to them. It's corrupt, and drugs are involved in this whole process too. Their wives/girlfriends live with them in the prison. But even worse than that, children live there too. This broke my heart because it's like a vicious cycle.... Kids are raised in prison, so this is all they know, and they are bound to fall into the same lifestyle as their parents. We got to meet some of the parents, which gave us the opportunity to be Jeus to them. A couple of them had made the decision to try and change their life because of how God had changed their children. Right when we got there, I felt dizzy and I just didn't really know what to say, so I just prayed a lot. Tammy, Colleen, and Jon spoke, and I think between the 3 of them, it was exactly what they needed to hear. We then got to go next door to the womens' prison to meet Manuela, a mother of two of the guys in the albergue...Danny and Moi. She had also made a decision to give her life to Christ, because of her sons' forgiveness towards her and because of all they had shared with her. Sharing things that God is doing in my life is so so so so hard or me, so this was extremely encouraging to me. We got to pray over her and encourage her. Before we left, we saw women dressed in orange polo shirts that were in the women's prison. 2 days out of the week, the women are given the opportunity to go over to the men's prison to spend the night, have sex, and do whatever else...and it's right in front of the children. I could go on and on about the prison. The rest of the time we were there we had the opportunity to just hang out with the kids, paint, spend time with the older ones at night, and walk around the neighborhood and meet people. We got to go to the market, eat at 2 different garage type places, and really take in the culture. I LOVE THE CULTURE down there. Anyways, we got up really early Friday, and came home :(

I think that personally, I learned the most and was poured into the most in Tapachula than I've been on any other trip. I know this is cliche, and I know everyone says that when you go to serve somewhere, you end up leaving more blessed than the people that you served. But Tapachula Mexico brings that statement to life because I have never ever ever felt more loved and learned as much as I did when I was there....I almost feel kinda selfish for being so blessed by those kids. And then it makes me think how these kids, who have been through so much, can just keep going through life with so much hope. And while this is going on, we're in America living our overly comfortable lives. I mean, I get so mad when stupid little things don't work out the way I wanted them to. I've never come close to facing something like they have. I dont know if my faith is strong enough. Don't get me wrong, the children in the albergue get to live in a nice house, surrounded by other children, three meals a day, and they have incredible, loving house parents. But everybody longs for 2 biological parents, and nobody should EVER have to go through the awful things that these children have had to face. Sometimes it's so easy to not think about the 7 billion other people in the world, and it's easy to think of people in other countries as part of a different world.

Anyways, I guess it was hard for me to really think about what God w as showing me while I was there because we were so busy. But Thursday we had a little bit more down time than we had the other days, so I got to think a lot then, and then I thought a lot on the airplane and then I've been thinking since I've been home. I know it was only for a week, but I hate saying goodbye. It's the worst feeling ever. All day friday, saturday, and sunday, I felt so incredibly sad. I had regrets about things I should have done differently. I had the same feeling that I had when I came back from Peru....it's weird, but after both trips, it felt like I was going through a break up (as stupid as that sounds)...just like an emptiness...i know I'm dramatic, and it sounds weird because it's only for a week, but it's like you're a part of a family for a week, and it's a big tease because then you have to just leave. Everybody there was so welcoming to us, and I know that God used us, but I left there knowing that the people I was leaving are going to be taken care of, and that we were just a little piece of all that God has in store in their lives. Before we got there, I was so pumped because I thought that we were just going to change their lives, and they were going to leave as these changed people. While I'm 100% sure that they are changed,and that God used what we said to them, I found out quickly that God was already moving in their lives, and that we were just going to be a little part of that...that's really really humbling for me. I learned that God was wanting to do a lot in my life while I'm there, and like I said, I didn't really start feelining it until Thursday, and I'm still feeling it. This sounds kinda bad, but I'm going to be honest because maybe you can relate, but I felt like I was supposed to be thanked and treated with some sort of "niceness" or something for going there...and I even kinda had a break down about it...i think it was on Wednesday...kinda weird. But I found out that is not the case, and that I am called to go where God tells me to go when He tells me to go there....no matter what. I found out how much respect I have for Steve and Hope and the house parents, and it was awesome to get to pray for them on the last night we were there. This year, God's been showing me how much I NEED HIM and how I need to be more dependent on Him. I came back from Mexico feeling really confused, and I still feel confused. I don't feel like the lifestyle I WANT to have lines up with the lifestyle that I have in America. I feel like there is more to life, and I know that God has given me a desire to see the world, and share Him, but at the same time, I don't know if I can handle that. I feel confused, and I feel kinda far away from God. I know I just need to chill out, but I'm even more confused about what I'm supposed to do with my life. But it's really cool because at the same time I have this peace that He is taking care of me like He always has. Something big is about to happen. I was talking to my family Friday, and things just aren't looking too great with money. Since my senior year when my dad's contracting business went out of business, things have been off and on with money, and right now things are pretty tough. My little brother is 17 and they're supporting him, and they're supporting me. It sucks really really bad. I don't want them to have to support me or make huge sacrifices. My mom has a great job as charge nurse in the O.R at Memorial in Savannah, and I found out she's been working overtime and on the weekends. I don't want them to have to support me. But things are coming together, and my parents have seen that too, and God has gotten all the glory, and my parents have seen that. He is so good! I just want everyone to know that He is good. I've stressed some this semester because I don't have a set job for when I graduate. I'm going to Peru in June for at least a week...probably more (unless I can't because of the job that I'm hoping I'll have). And I need money for 4 bridesmaid dresses/gifts/showers for 4 wonderful brides/best friends, and I need to have money to live. Money just keeps coming in, and I've had two potential job offers in Statesboro :) which is kinda unheard of since EVERYONE is looking for a job. Also, right when I got back in the U.S, I called my mom from Houston, and she told me that I won the Sociology award, which according to the school and my department, that means I won $100. So that was a HUGE blessing to have that happen when money is so tight right now. I then went to my grandparents house where my car was, and I found out that my grandfather took my car to his dealership in Hinesville while I was gone and changed the oil, cleaned it outside and inside, and put almost a full tank of gas in there. Then I got to eat a wonderful meal with my family. And then I told my mom not wash my clothes because I didnt want her to have to do that, and I told her I would just do it when I got back to Statesboro, but I woke up Saturday morning and ALL my clothes were washed, dryed, and folded. So, God keeps blessing me :)

Speaking of my family, one of the main things God showed me, is that if Danny and Moi could talk to their mother in prison and tell her about all that Jesus had done in their lives, especially after the berayl and everything they had been through, then how could I not do that? Like I said, we got to meet their mother, Manuella, in the womens' prison, and I got to see the hope that she had. She told us that when Danny and Moi visit her, they share everything about what God is doing. I've always wanted a family I could do that with, and so I think I finally realized that sometimes it takes more than trying to be an example, and I need to take action. I want so badly for my family to know the same God that I do... So, I learned so much from a 17 year old and a 14 year old telling me their story, which represents how much power is in each of their stories. So, I got to tell Danny on the last night, in the best Spanish that I could, thank you for sharing His story, and that because He shared His story, I was going to share it with my family too. Finally, the last thing ( I think) is that it was easy for me to come back and be sad to be back in America, but I woke up early this morning and realized that that is exactly what the devil wants. Because when I dwell on that, I'm not going to take action. I don't really know what's coming next, but I do know that because of what I saw in Tapachula, I want to give everything....I want my heart to be right, and I want to live one day at a time. I need to be thankful for what God is doing in my life right now. I'm reading this book right now by Brian Houston called "For this I was Born." it's about vision, and I read this quote today that says, "You may think that the Lord has called you to the global, but if you are not faithful in the here and now with what may seem small, you will not ever be faithful or trusted with much." Also, one of my favorite singers is Brooke Fraser, mostly because of her heart and her desire for justice in the world, and she's cool and funny and a good singer...anyways......she has a song called "Albertine" about Rwanda and a girl that she met there, and how she promised the people there that she would tell everybody their stories. Anyways, my ipod is on shuffle most of the time, and I think it's come on like 5 times since I've been back. It's based on James 2---> the whole faith with deeds. Anyways, she says: "Now that I have seen,I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead. Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go..." and then she goes on to say, "I will tell the world. I will tell them where I've been. I will keep my word. I will tell them, Albertine." God wants us to tell others what we have seen and what we've done and what we've been through. The precious people in Mexico changed my life by just telling me their story. I was given much, so much is expected (Luke 12).

I learned a lot from the people on my team. In case they're reading, I just want them to know that I've been thinking about them a lot the past couple of days and I'm so thankful...this is kinda corny, but ya'll mean alot to me:
-Tammy: there is no other person that can do what you do. Thank you for being the leader that I could never be. Thank you for being our leader in Mexico. Out of eveybody I have ever met in my life, you are most definitely in the top 3 most influential, wisest people I have ever met. I can list many other people who think the same thing about you. Thank you for always listening to me and always encouraging me, even when you probably thought I was crazy.
-Colleen: you are my best friend, and I'm so glad we had those 8 hrs in the Miami airport 2 years ago to bond and find out that we were meant to be best friends. I know I have a hard time being serious with you, but I'm glad our lives are changed forever now. You have so much compassion. You're going to be a great mom, and you set an example for me.. and you especially showed me that in Mexico. You always have the best wisdom when I really need it. God is sovereign! and I can't wait to see where He sends you. I love you pookie face.
-Becca: God has used you so much in my life over this whole experience i call college. Makapokey changed my life. You are beautiful, and thank you for always encouraging me in that area. I'm so excited(and jealous) for you to go back to Mexico for 3 monthssssssss!!!!! YOU are the one that God chose for that, and YOU are the only one that can go do that. You are going to be the biggest encouragement to them, like you've been to me.
-Caitlin: I'm glad that I got to spend the week with you and get to know you better in Mexico :) Thanks for sharing so much, and for being so open about forgiveness. I know that God used you to show them the power of forgiveness. Thanks for putting up with me..especially on those nights when me and colleen didn't want to sleep and we probably kept you up. sorry about that. And thanks for showing me how to paint that zig zag way, and for being so nice about it and not telling me I suck at painting (which I know I do).
-David: I'm glad that I got to lead that serving session with you. I definitely needed to hear everything that you said in it....about the whole humility thing and not taking on too much. I guess thats why you said it and not me..because I needed to hear it. And on the night before going to the prison, thanks for sharing about just praying when you don't know what to say. Those words kept running through my head when we were in the there.
-Jon: Thank you for all of your wisdom, at exactly the right times that I need to hear it. You're somebody that I've looked up to the past 3 or 4 years. Thanks for all the advice about staying in Statesboro. You encourage me to give all I have no matter where I am. I know God is going to keep using you in Statesboro.Thanks for encouraging all of us to share what we saw. I can't wait to see that video. its going to be amazing, and I know that God is going to use it to change lives.
-Spencer: Thank you so so so much for translating for all of us... Im especially thankful for you translating for me and colleen during the drugs/alcohol session because that discussion that we all had afterwards was powerful. Those people over there adore you, and you've played such a huge role in their lives, and I know that you're going to continue to. I don't know how you do all that you, but I admire you.

Anyways, that took a really long time to write, but I have so much to say about my trip and just life in general. I'm really confused, and I know I've hurt some people lately. I have a big mouth that gets me in trouble. I think I need more confidence, but I don't really know how to get it. I'm trying to take a step back from everything, and figure out what's next. I'm kinda in this weird transition stage. I have a weird heart that changes it's mind everyday what I want to do. I'm sure people get frustrated with me and think I'm over dramatic and/or weird, but it really does change weekly what I want to do. As you can see, I also ramble a lot, and I'm weird..But I know that God is faithful, and He is showing me that every single day, despite my imperfections (which I have a lot of them). I'm praying that atleast one of the jobs will work out. I just want to live everyday with everything I have. I want to be content with only Jesus. He is constantly showing me all that I have to be thankful for. I'm so thankful for the wonderful people that surround me. I'm thankful that everything is working out and that my family is seeing that it is working out. My mom told me before I left how proud she was of me and how I have all these wonderful things going on. She said that the bumper sticker that says "I'm Jesus' favorite" was meant for me because of all the wonderful things going on. It's easy for me to see that when I get out of my little world with my little problems and see the bigger picture...LOVE. There was so much more that I wanted to say to them in Mexico, but mi espanol es muy mal, so it was hard, and i got frustrated. I want to go to language school now...really really soon!...so I think you should consider paying for it........ But I'm sure that something else will come up next week. Anyways, that's about it :)
Love, Alison