Blessings within a blessing

So, in case you didn't know, about 3 weeks ago Daniel asked me to be his wife. I still can't believe it, and it still seems so surreal.--The fact that I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend---and we'll get to actually live together---and the fact that to me, he is perfect---and to be with somebody who loves me for who I am and encourages me---and I could keep on listing all the reasons as to why I am soo excited to be Mrs. Stall. Last year at this time I would have never seen it coming. For awhile, a couple of summers ago, there was definitely some interest, but we were both like, "noooooooo...that would never work." We were both doing everything possible to not be with each other. But we were together almost everyday. Everybody said it was inevitable, and that we just needed to quit hiding the fact that we were interested in each other....,And as fall came around, and my last year of college began, people would joke about it, and we would laugh about it too. One night, last October, we were over at Sean Kent's house watching football, and I was even joking with him telling him I was going to marry Daniel...and Later on, I found out that Sean's wife, Sandy told him when we left that we were going to get married. But with all that said, the timing was never right. I was definitely not at a place in my life to where I needed to have that commitment. Not trying to speak for Daniel or anything, but I think he will tell you too that he wasn't either. I am 100% positive that if God wouldn't have intervened, we would have screwed the whole thing up in so many different ways because we were both so confused and searching for everything else but God. However, last November, Daniel began to come around, and finally in late December/early January, he began to be serious and actually start fighting for the relationship. I told myself a couple of summers ago that I was never going to just throw all I had into a relationship ever again, and that if the guy wanted it, he would work for it. So, Daniel did, and the more and more that I tried to pretend that it wouldn't work out, I knew in the back of my mind that he was perfect. Anyways, since then, the rest has been history, and all of the glory goes to God, because although we are both definitely not perfect, I am so amazed by everything about this person, and I can honestly say that I fall more and more in love with him each and every day.

We're still so blown away by all that has been given to us the past 10 months. I know that just because you follow God with all you have doesn't mean that everything is going to be perfect,( because I can promise you that with me, there have been some circumstances in my personal life that haven't gone the way I hoped) The bible has a lot of examples about that. But together, God has given Daniel and I soo much and it's like this whole big adventure story is being written about moving to Anderson and living together and being married and being the same person and just truly sharing life with your best friend....

We have recieved so much love and support from so many people, and we still talk all the time about how God has blessed us with some wonderful, amazing friends and family. When we got engaged, my mom called me in tears to tell me that my family probably couldn't pay for a wedding, and that we were pretty much on our own....which is completely understandable because money is tight for everyone right now. My parents and my grandparents have completely sacrificed everything for my brother and I our whole lives, so it's not like she didn't want to help me pay for it. But for about a week, Daniel and I tried to go through wedding details and budget stuff.. and just trying to see how much a ceremony would cost, and still be able to invite all of our friends...A couple weekends ago, I drove up to Anderson, and we went hiking for the day, and we took about an hour to sit on a rock and just plan through how we would want it all done (p.s. I have to tell you how amazing it has been to plan details and for Daniel to actually be excited about planning). Well, we didn't know where the money was going to come from, but we prayed, and my mom called me several days later, in tears again, to tell me that something worked out with some insurance bond thing and that she wanted to give all the money to us to have a wedding. Now, it's definitely NOT anything near a big budget at all, but it's still enough to have a simple ceremony and for all of our friends to be able to go, and for them to hopefully leave and feel like they were served, and for us to have some food and to be able to bless the people who help us out and are in the wedding by our sides.

Well, since then, so many people have approached both of us to offer help and donate whatever they can and give us some hook-ups.. (p.s. I am taking note of what all everybody says, and I'm going to take you up on it) haha....but It's been a HUGE blessing. One of my friends, and bridesmaid, Anna reminded me of something that will stick with me through this whole experience..She told me that it was the body of Christ just doing what it is supposed to do. Anyways, it's encouraged me to be more giving and actually show and tell people how much they mean to me.

We are so thankful for all that God has done already, and we are so excited about May 7th!---At the Woodlawn Plantation in Guyton, GA...(about 30 minutes from Statesboro). The wedding is going to be very much "Do-It-Yourself" but we are having so much fun planning it out the exact way that we want it. I've probably been talking about it way too much..haha...It was something that stressed me out so much for a couple of weeks, and I don't feel like God was glorified at all through me just because of the way I was handling the stress that comes right away with trying to find a venue and vendors when you only have 6 months......ahhhh...But wow, we have a place, a dress, a bridal party, and a honeymoon, and ideas of how we want the food done...and all of the details about music and what we want done and read during the ceremony. Now, it's fun to just plan little details and to dream about making our own stuff for the wedding...haha hopefully it won't be a disaster.

But even more importantly, it has been amazing to sit back for the past week and pray for opportunities for us in Anderson.We talked sooo much about that before we were engaged, but I have learned how easy it has been for me to lose focus of that in planning for a ceremony. We know that we are both drawn to the homeless there, but we're still unsure of exactly what to do about it..We're big dreamers and we've had dreams of all of the really cool stuff that could happen... I also have realized the past 2 weeks that I have sooo much to improve on and learn and mature in in order to be a good wife to Daniel. When we got engaged, I told everyone that I would get married the next weekend if I could and how I was just so excited to be marrying my best friend...But I have quickly learned that I'm definitely not ready because there is sooo much that I need to learn in order to be a wife. I mean, to be honest with you, part of that intimidates me because of how much I need to learn. A lot of times, people put such a big emphasis on all of the wonderful and beautiful things about marriage without thinking too much about how it can be difficult sometimes. If we're not prepared and mature for those times, it will make marriage so much more difficult. However, I'm just enjoying the time and learning as I go. :) We can't wait to live there together--Daniel has a wonderfuI job at the hospital there, and he gets to meet so many people everyday, but we know that we want our life together to have purpose, and our marriage would be pointless if we weren't stronger together than we are on our own.

I say I'm done with stressing out, but I'm sure that I'll have some more moments. However, God has and is providing us with everything we need.-- I never thought I would be so interested in wedding planning... .Wejust want it to unique, fun ,and for it to be very come as you are). But the thing that I've learned the most in planning during a 6 month engagement is that if I feel like I said something wrong in this whole planning thing, or if I handled something wrong, I can always start over the next day and handle things a lot better...That's the wonderful thing about God's grace.

I think I'm learning during this whole planning thing that there is still a big world around me that is still spinning, and the worst thing I can do is get caught up in my own little world...God has given us so much love and encouragement from so many people that mean a lot to us.

May 7th-Hope ya'll come!

http://weddings.theknot.com/pwp/pwp2/view/MemberPage.aspx?coupleId=5742233767319393

*Sun Stand Still*

I believe with all of my heart that right now, God is showing me, over and over again, one of the biggest and most important/life changing things He has ever shown me. For the past four years of my life, I really have had no problem at all, sharing with whoever, about who God is to me, and what He has done in my life, and how it is only because of His loving, incomprehensible grace that I am even here. Maybe it is because I like to talk a lot in general, but I would be excited to talk to anyone..…except for..…..my family. It's tough…really tough for me to just be confident with them about what I believe, and I have continually, for the past four years of my life, avoided it when I could help it. They have seen me as an example, and they know why I am so much different now than I was, but for the most part, I have never made steps to voice strongly to them what I believe.

Well, God has gotten my attention once and for all, and it is through a crisis. My parents are in the process of getting a divorce. On Sunday, July 25th, my mom called me and told me that my dad left home. I was really upset, but pretty confused, because the day before, both of my parents came to Statesboro together to have lunch with me and see my new house. I've always known that my family was pretty dysfunctional in that my parents never really acted like they were in love, but I figured they made it 24 years, so they would never get a divorce. To my knowledge, nothing extreme has happened, as far as like an affair or anything. It's really sad, but from what I have been able to tell, the main reason seems to be because of money and responsibility. As of 2 weeks ago, my mom has filed for divorce, and my dad has moved out "for good," which pretty much means that he is homeless and living wherever he can. There are a lot of really really nasty and just awful details about things they have said to me and to each other, and I could write for a really long time about it, but that isn't the he purpose of why I am writing this.

In the midst of a nasty situation like this, God is so faithful. I cannot say it enough. It has taken a crisis for me to see just how badly I want my parents to know the same Jesus that I know, and I want them to find their happiness and fulfillment in HIM alone. For the past four years, I have made a choice to try to give everything I have to the Lord, but speaking that truth to my family is an area that I have had a really hard time with. Well, because of everything that has happened, I have said things and done things for my family that I would have never done. My parents and I have had some intense conversations, and I have just felt this overwhelming peace the whole time that the best is yet to come…This sucks right now because my family is falling apart, so I can't really tell you why I feel that way, (or maybe I am just oblivious) but for the past couple of months I have felt that although this is NOT where God wants my family, my family is for once, really really broken and desperate…and that is allowing them to see what they have been missing out on. I have talked to them everyday, and I have talked to my dad more now in the past 3 months than I have total in the past 10 years of my life. I have been praying for healing in their lives as a whole, not just their marriage. My mom has been going to church in Savannah at Savannah Christian. Daniel and I went with her the first time, back in the beginning of August, but she been going back every Saturday night, and I've been able to show her different things she should read, and she has even asked questions about it. But most importantly, I have been able to just completely lay everything out on the table with her, and it has led to really really emotional, yet peace-driven conversations. The last time I was in Savannah, (about a week ago) i was able to explain to her why God hates divorce: not because He just wants to make rules up, but instead, for our good, and because it is devastating to tear a family apart. God knows that my parent's divorce is more than a failed marriage that seems inconvenient. It's about two broken, devastated, unhappy lives, and divorce will only make it worse in my parent's situation. In Mark chapter 10, Jesus talks about God's purpose for marriage, and He says very clearly that what He has joined, let no separate. Matthew 19:9 says that divorce comes from a hard heart, and divorce is not the answer in my parent's situation My mom can't even explain why she wants a divorce except because my dad started it by leaving, and so she is ending it..even though he wants to mend things. They both have faults, and they are both not happy, yet they are unwilling to admit that they need to fix their own lives before they work on their marriage. My mom thinks she is happier now than she has ever been, but i know that if they do continue to go through with this, she will wake up one day in a big empty house, all by herself, and she will realize that she was never happy to begin with. I think that although my parents won't admit it, they are slowly but steadily seeing that they need to fix their individual issues, and that they are both not individually happy. I am also upset for my little brother, who is 17, and a junior in high school, and he has to actually be there in the middle of all of this. But I feel confident that God is going to change his life through this as well. I love my brother, and I think he is the greatest thing in the world, and he has soo much going for him with football, but even I don't tell him enough how much he means to me.

Well, like I said, so much has happened with my family in the past couple of months, and on the one hand, I am just blown away by the peace the Jesus has given me.. I know that somehow, God is going to make this situation into a testimony to show people who may have lost faith, or never had any to start with, that our God is capable of changing anyone's life. On the other hand, I have been frustrated with myself for not making more of an effort a long time ago. I didnt talk about it too much at first, simply because I just blew it off, and I kept thinking everything was going to be ok and that this was just a bad dream. However, more and more awful things have been said about the other, and I am learning sooo much information about my family that after all these years, i never knew. I have told my parents over and over again that I would never be angry with either one of them..even if one of them would have done something really bad and hurtful to the other, i would still never be mad. However, it is just really difficult because for so long, I have looked up to my parents, and I have respected them as adults, not because I was raised to, but because I had a lot of admiration for them. However, now, this whole ordeal has made them into people that I know they aren't. They have both said awful things about each other, and comments have been made about how this is all about to get pretty ugly when it comes to money and responsibility. My dad has told me some of the things that his lawyer has told him to do and say, and it makes me sick. My mom is numb, and won't go into details about it with me (but I'm 100% sure that she is having a breakdown when Im not around) and my dad will call me to talk to me about it for 30 minutes to an hour every 2-3 days. Both of my parents have been pretty open with me about serious emotional issues they're dealing with right now, but neither one of them are getting help, which frustrates me, because I have seen soooo many people get help for situations like this, and it helps them to be healed. It's not fun to see people that you care about and think so much of go through this, and it has put a really really heavy burden on me because the two people that i love the most and I want to know Jesus the most are doing and saying things that are way out of character,..its a burden that I attempt to give to God every single day, but is difficult for me because I want to fix all of it. I havent been trusting God (even though I say I have). I need to realize and act on the fact that I have, and am continuing to do all I can do, and so I need to trust God with the rest. But I haven't been asking God. I've been relying on myself. I am so thankful for the people in my life who God has spoken through to me lately, and God has especially used Daniel in my life and my family's lives. The thing that I have been realizing the most is how this has shown me how much I am affected by people who are hurting in this world. This kind of thing is going on all around me, and I have taken on the burden from my family because I don't want them to jump to conclusions or tear each other down anymore.

so, im sorry if this seems sad, but I hope you'll read this part, because this is the whole point of me writing this….

Have you ever felt like God keeps telling you something over and over again…and it starts out by Him just like nudging at your heart, and then he keeps knocking louder and louder, and then it's just like "omg wake up and listen to me so you can live like how I want you to??!!" Well, this whole time with this situation with my parents, I have been just pushing everything off. I keep telling everyone that I am ok, and I keep telling my friends that I have faith that God is going to somehow be glorified through this, and He is already doing so much because of how my parents are seeing how bad they need something bigger than themselves, and how it has opened up a door for me to talk confidently about what I believe. But with that said, I have acted like I have given all of this over to the ultimate comforter, Jesus Christ, to handle it, but I have not, and God showed me that very clearly this past Sunday. I drove up to Anderson, SC to surprise my aunt at church because she was getting baptized! (which is another amazing, awesome story that shows the glory of God) But I was pretty excited because of what was going to be preached at church that morning.--->about Joshua 10, when Joshua led the Israelites to defeat the southern kingdoms because they were planning to go into battle against the Israelites. They needed more time in order to fully defeat the Amorites, because if the sun went down, then they would get away, so Joshua told God to make the sun stand still so that the Israelites would be able to be victorious. Because Joshua asked for it, the Lord worked it out in His favor, and His power and His glory was shown. In Joshua 10:8, god tells Joshua to not be afraid of them because He had already given them into Joshua's hands. Joshua had the audacity to ask, and God had the ability to act. God made the sun stand still for Joshua, and He can still make it stand still in this situation, or any situation.


The name of the series is called "Sun Stand Still" and it is based off of Steven Furtick's book. In fact, he was there to present the message. Anyways, while he was talking at newspring, I got this vision that God wants to heal my parents' lives, but He wants me to actually step up BOLDLY and ASK HIM. I need to start asking God to do what seems impossible. God has been telling me that, louder and louder, over and over, for the past several weeks. I want to be a part of God healing my parents and their marriage, and I know that the next step in this is for me to be asking God for it, not just going through the motions by saying this isn't good, but everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to. I know that God is wanting me to ask Him, and I believe now that God wants me to do everything I can and ask Him to do what only He can do. God made the sun sand still for Joshua and the Israelites. I think He is big enough to heal my family. But as Christians, we need to be willing to stand out and have audacious faith that isn't scared to ask anything. It's a lot easier to ask for God's glory to be on other nations and people who we may not yet be exceptionally close with, and many of us will even be willing to actually "go" and be used to make other disciples. But I am learning that God wants us to ask Him in the same way for the people who may be closest to us.

I know we all have things we are faced with everyday, and sometimes, it seems "normal" to just accept the world as it is, but I firmly believe now, with all of my heart, that God will do so much more when we ASK HIM. Time is running out though.We have to get to a place in which we know that there is nothing too big for God to change or heal, and we have to come to the realization that God is just waiting on us to ask Him for change. I know there are people all over who have a lot bigger issues than a parent's divorce, but there is NO LIMIT to what God can do. We need to start acting like we have confidence in our God to do the impossible. This is what has happened for me to see that I need more faith I have a whole new outlook on this now, and I hope that you will join me in praying with audacious faith for our world, including those closest to us, to see the greatness of our mighty and powerful God. I know that there are bigger issues out there than my parents' divorce, but that is what has inspired me to ask God and be completely dependent on Him to deliever my parents out of this mess. My vision has grown, and I can't wait to see how God can use me in this. To be honest, I'm intimidated though because this really does seem impossible and I am worn out from talking to my family and hearing these awful things. But God is calling us to pray without ceasing. I need more of Him. I need Him to come through, and I am waiting in expectation, and I know that He will prove glorious. God didn't call us to survive the world, He called us to change it for His glory, and that includes those closest to us.

Love-Alison

**"In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation."--psalm 5:3**

When we are weak, He is strong.

"O sun, stand still over Gibeon, O moon, over the Valley of Aijalon." --Joshua 10:12

"Come and listen..."

Hey, so I graduated last week! I’m growing up so fast. I’m going through a time where I’m having to really trust God. Everything about my life right now is uncertain, except for God.

I’ve always been pretty determined, and I’ve always taken the initiative to apply myself whenever and wherever I needed to. I know I'm livivng in Statesboro for the next year atleast. I haven’t applied for any full time, salary type jobs in Statesboro for several reasons. First of all, I don’t really qualify for a lot of them because to do social work you need a MSW. So, I need to go to grad school. Second of all, there aren’t very many social work agencies in Statesboro, and the ones that are here aren’t hiring. I just feel like I’m supposed to have some part time jobs and devote the next year to ministry and just pouring into people while getting poured into from people here. I just feel like something is going to come up soon that’s going to make me realize why I don’t have a job….just some opportunity. I don’t know if it will be in Statesboro, Atlanta, or somewhere else. But I just feel like I’m supposed to wait. Some people may not understand, but as Christians, we’re going to live life and do things that people just don’t understand. (1 Corinthians 2:14). God has continued to provide, and in some crazy ways:
-I’m able to work at the library on campus part time this summer. I know that it’s definitely not the ideal job for me, and I’m kinda shut away from the world while I’m there, but I’ve had that job since my freshman year, and it has been the perfect job to have in college. Every year over 100 students apply for my job, but somehow I’m able to have it. They;re letting me work there over the summer, even though I'm not a student anymore, and that is deinitely all because of God.

-I found out today that the nanny job for this summer worked out. A really sweet person at my church hooked me up with it. It’s a really nice family in Statesboro. They have a 13 year old boy and a 10 year old boy, and I’ll get to drive them around and hang out with them some this summer. I hung out with them one night last week while their parents went out, and there is so much to do on their property. They showed me around on their gator/mule golf car thing, taught me how to shoot their bow and arrow, shoot their pellet guns and bb guns, go squirrel hunting, fish, eat berries off the side of the road, have a dirt fight. They’re great, so I’m excited about that. It’ll only last for about 4 weeks, but it will give me some extra money. I knew it would be hard to find a job thus summer because I’ll be in Peru for 3 weeks, and nobody wants to hire someone who will be gone for that long, but she was able to work with my schedule, and they’ll be gone on vacation around the same time.

-In August when they go back to school, I’m pretty sure I’ll get to work at 180 fitness, thanks to Mrs. Angie. The timing worked out really well because she couldn’t hire me until then anyways. 180 fitness is great by the way, so you should sign up. I’m still looking for another job for the fall, if anybody knows of anything where I can be around people!

-Yesterday morning before church, I was feeling overburdened about money for my trip to Peru. So I prayed that God would provide in some way. I get to church, and I saw a family that I look up to and have so much respect for, and they encourage me because they are so giving. Well this family had already supported me for my trip, and they gave me another card. I was like, “wow, that’s really nice! I bet this card will be encouraging. I could use some encouragement” So, I open the card, and a check falls out. Then, in church, Brandon talked about trusting God and not living in fear and anxiety, and how we need to take Jesus at His word and know that He knows what is best. I really do try to live my life in a way in which He has control, but money has been a HUGE struggle lately because I graduated, my parents have cut me off on a lot of my funds(I‘m so thankful that they‘re still helping me out a lot though), I don’t have a consistent job, I’m going to Peru at the end of June, and I’m in 4 weddings in the next 6 months for people that I care a lot about and I want to be able to support them and help each one of them have a beautiful wedding that they deserve. So, I need to trust God that the money is going to continue to come in, because as you can see above, it already has :)

Also, in church yesterday, a girl came with us that has been going through an extremely rough and unpredictable time. Anyways, she got saved, and Daniel and I got to take her home after church, and I was able to talk to her about A LOT. People like her show me that we’re all broken people, and we’ve all made bad decisions sometimes, but God’s love is so much bigger than that. People just need to be encouraged and know that God is still in control no matter what.

I’ve finally come to the decision that I’m wasting life away by thinking and stressing out so much about money. Everything is going to work out. It always does. There’s a lot of inconsistency in my life, but God is the one in my life that is and will always be consistent. I thought about it last night and today…I can sit here and stress out about this, or I can just take it as it comes, and ACTUALLY ENJOY EACH DAY or else I’m going to make myself go crazy.

I’m continuing to see that there are people all around me that need Jesus, and I want to be a part of reaching out to the people that others don’t care anything about. I’m beginning to realize how little churches are actually doing. I’m really selfish sometimes, but I’m learning that when I’m not selfish, that’s when God can do great things though me and my weaknesses. The main thing that God’s showing me is that I need to be willing to let HIM pour into me so that I can really truly love others using His strength. When I do things my own way, they fail. My confidence has to come from God.

A couple weeks ago, I read out of Luke 7 about the sinful woman that anointed Jesus’ feet. I keep thinking about how desperate she was for Jesus. She had been looked down upon by everybody, and she had a bad reputation. She was messed up. Nobody wanted anything to do with her. But she knew the hope, intimacy, and love that Jesus had to offer her, and that made her worthy. I haven’t been able to get this picture out of my mind. I battle with knowing the extent of God’s love, and It really messes up the way that I view myself. I think that if I really viewed God’s love and His grace the way that He intends, my confidence in what all I can do would be a lot higher and that would help me to love others the way Jesus does. We always talk about how much He loves us and how much He loves everyone. I think that those are words that we throw around a lot. We sing about how he loves us and how His grace is enough. But do we really believe in our hearts the extent of that love? At the end, in verse 47, Jesus says to Simon the Pharisee, whose house this all took place in, “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven -- for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." He then ends it in verse 50 when he says, “"Your faith has saved you; go in peace." He wasn’t talking to the Pharisee that knew all of the right things to say. He was talking to the messed up, broken, hurting woman on the floor.

If we can’t fully accept God’s love and forgiveness for us, then how can we love others? It’s hard to fully grasp the extent of God’s love and grace. Like a lot of us, I never really stop long enough to see it or think about it. It’s easy to take His grace and not really do anything with it. That is the worst thing we can do. When we fully accept the love He has for us and the forgiveness, then we’ll overflow with it, and it will be uncontainable, and others will see it and want what we have.


There’s so much evil in this world…with so many broken people. So many hurting people…I can go on and on. But what are we doing about it? How are we letting Jesus pour His love into us, so that we truly can love those right in front of us? I feel like we, as Christians, talk about that so much…like it has become something that just feels right to say. It’s like one of those Christian phrases that is so overused…or at least overused by me. But how are we really letting Him pour into us so that we can pour into others? If we love others on our own strength then we are going to burn out and others will begin to see the hypocrisy and falseness behind it. There’s no true foundation to that kind of love. But when we love from Christ, other people can’t help but see it.

I’m also learning how perfect God’s timing is. I’m learning that no matter what you’re past looks like, God can use it..for real. I’m trying to be different and for other people to know that there’s something different about me. I’m trying to watch what I say. I’m trying to have integrity in my relationships. I’m trying to not stress out about money. It really does bring out the worse in me, and it affects my friendships big time and it makes me selfish. I’m trying to be an example to my family. I can try to do all of this all I want on my own strength, but God has to ultimately be my everything before all of these things work out. I struggle with all of that, and sometimes I say stupid/mean things, but God is continuing to bring me out of that.

I absolutely love my church. I’m surrounded by people who are striving to do things different, people who are learning and falling more in love with Jesus, and who are living life as disciples. I’m encouraged to love others because of them.

I’m in a relationship with my best friend…a person who, like me, knows what its like to fail and mess up, but knows that God can use that for his good. I’ve never experienced anything like this because for once, I was EXTREMELY patient, probably for the first time in my life, and I know now that God’s timing is perfect. I feel like we’ve both had the past year or so to allow God to change us into who He desires for us to be. I am with someone who I feel like I am more effective as a person when we are together than when we are apart. After almost a year of being good friends, we both know now that this is the next step in that. He encourages me so much to see others the way Jesus sees them, even when I really don’t want to. He’s so smart, and he’s content with not having a comfortable lifestyle, and just being "us" instead of tryign to be like everyone else. I’m pretty happy :)

Life is good. God is good. I’m still learning. I’m happy. I don’t know what tomorrow brings, and that’s ok.




*“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.”--Hebrews 12:28-29*

*"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." --John 13:34-35”*

*“Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me. I cried out to him with my mouth; His praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!”--Psalm 66:16-20*



**This is a song by John Mark MacMillan, called “Kiss Your Feet” about the woman from Luke 7 that I was talking about…about how great and powerful Jesus‘ love and grace is compared to how broken dirty, and messed up we are:

I dreamed I kissed your feet
Between the cigarette butts
On the side of fourteenth street
I got down on my hands and my knees
With an alabaster jar

I dreamed I'd bleed with your praises
Just to make the world
Smell like your grace again
I got down on my hands and my knees again

And I'm crawling on the floor
Just to find you now
To tell you how I feel I'm falling all over myself

Good morning brokenness
You know you've cut me to the bone
Like one of those days in the middle of the winter
The kind that you can't run away from
And we've been here for so long
But I found a way to appease you
Inside this alabaster jar

And I'm crawling on the floor
Just to find you now
To tell you how I feel I'm falling all over myself

And all my afflictions
There only light ones anyway now

"World, I've overcome you world"

So...I've been in this weird funk lately..I don't really know why. I've just felt like something is off, but I haven't really been able to figure it out. And besides that, I've been going like 100 mph, so I haven't really had time to think about things...just kinda going through the motions about EVERYTHING...saying incredibly stupid things from not getting enough sleep, etc. We, or at least I, live a pretty comfortable lifestyle...I'm blessed, and i don't deserve it. But I have everything I need. I could probably honestly get by without being depending on God for everything. I know I talk about this all the time, but it's something that God has been bringing up for the past 6 months in my life, and it's an area that He wants me to grow in. I hate it because I really battle with this...I know Jesus wants nothing more than for me to just ENJOY Him, but I go back and forth, between one extreme and the other. ANYWAYS, about this funk..It's been weird..Maybe it's because I haven't been sleeping, or maybe it's because something is just off, but before about a month ago, I feel like I was soo hungry for Jesus, and I feel like everything was going so great, and I had this joy that i can't explain, and anytime someone needed something and came to me for advice or to pray with them, I always knew exactly what to say..But lately, I've just been going off of my own strength, and it's like I don't even know what to say to people, and I've been sooo completely worn out. Everything about my life has been emotional..My heart and my ideas are all over the place...But I need so much more..
But in the midst of all that, I've been reading through the book of Luke because I just want to know what attracted people to Jesus, and how He treated people. This week, this afternoon in particular, God has rocked my world (in a good way :) So, today, I got up at 5:15 and did a sprint triathalon at the RAC on my own, and then I had a slack day at work, so I made a Twitter account, and then my two afternoon classes were canceled. So, me and Colleen were supposed to go up to the church to mail some stuff and do some childrens' stuff, and just annoy everyone there like we probably always do, but we ended up going to this awesome, amazing, authentic Mexican place behind Wendy's, next to curves, called El Rinconcito. They even have a chip bar..nice people... It was so good.. Jon was working out in the sunshine, so we asked him to go with us..and then we ate bolles. Or Jon didn't, but me and colleen did. So, I went home and cleaned, and then I went to Daily Grind for like 3 hours before Bible Study. I read probably the greatest chapter of the bible, in my opinion..Luke Chapter 6....while listening to Sarah McMillan and John Mark McMillan --->http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/song_details/10142 ----anyways, it's all layed out in Luke 6...everything you need. I promise. Go read it. This is what God said to me:

-Luke 6:9: "Then Jesus said to them, "I ask you, which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to destroy it?"
-Jesus wasnt concerned about rules. He was proactive and positive about providing comfort and healing to those around him.


-Luke 6:12: "One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God."
-Before Jesus chose His 12 disciples, which was a big deal, he went away by himself and prayed, instead of just acting off of His emotions. He wanted to hear from God.


-Luke 6:23:"Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven."
-yay! Jesus wants us to enjoy Him and take great delight in every day.


-Luke 6:30-31:"Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you."
-It's ALL His anyways, not ours.


-Luke 6:35:"But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked."
-Love everyone WITH EVERYTHING you have. I NEED Jesus for this.

-Luke 6:41:"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"
-self explanatory. We're so quick to judge others. I look at other peoples' faults, so I don't have to think about my own. Thinking about what it really means to be a hypocrite..

-Luke 6:44:"Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers."
-Jesus wants us to live in a way where others will know that they have to have what we have. They'll want it.



-Luke 6:45: "For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."
-The heart is deceitful, but Jesus can make it pure.


-Luke 6:47: "I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice."
-taking time to stop, enjoy Jesus, hearing from Him, and being proactive


.....So, that is what Jesus showed me today, and I'm glad that He brought John Mark McMillan and Sarah McMillan into my life to keep me company while I studied all of this..

So, this is kinda like my "Thankful Thursday" that I copied from Rachael, but I have a lot to be thankful for sooo..
--I am falling more and more in love with my room mates...
--I love how I can be sitting in my room, writing this, and I hear Lady Marmalade coming from Natalie's room and i can run in there and have a dance party...
--I love how I can speak Spanish to Colleen like we're pros..and have crazy moments and extremely awkward moments, and go to daily grind and she listens to me while I talk her head off..and we have the same spiritual gift of mercy, so its just meant to be.
--I love how I've had awesome talks with Natalie, and she is such a good leader, and she won an award tonight..and so did Rachael
--My roommate Karley Weiner (pronounced Winer, not weiner)
--Hilton Head Beach weekends
--El som with Rachael
--I love how I can be so extremely tired, like about to fall asleep, and then i walk into a room and the first thing I hear is "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves..", and once again I am in love...followed by some Shane and Shane
--I love how my bffl Bethany Dillon, 7 months pregnant, sat next to me and told Dan that I'm pretty...or at least he told me she did. Thanks Beth!
--My church and everyone in it, and how I am always encouraged
--I love how God wakes me up at 5 15 and I can just go swim, bike, and run and just do my own little sprint triathalon, and then i can eat everything in sight, especially good mexican
--Rebecca Colleen Cowart and Jon Irvan for eating authentic Mexican with me today
--I love how Leigh was excited to run and do Insanity with me, and so now I have an Insanity friend to workout with.
--I love how i have a sweeet, considerate friend like Anna Glisson to bring me donut balls while Im studying, even though she was stressed too..
--I love how I have a super smart friend named Ashley Fletcher that is going to pass all of her nursing classes this semester, because we need more nurses like her, and she believes PSALM 37:4-7 with her whole heart AMEN!
--I love how I have a friend named Daniel Stall who is probably the most encouraging person I have ever met, and has shown me so much over the past 6 months what it means to truly love people, and simply see people with love and mercy and kindness like God sees them.. and always there to call me out when I begin to be negative..
--Unlimited amounts of trail mix on earth day
--Seeing some wonderful friends and celebrating LACEY TOOTHMAN'S BIRTHDAY!
--Luke Russett..for buying my $4 ice cream from IHOP
--the fact that I can dance in my room to Ke$ha "you're love is my drug" about 5 1/2 times in a row
--Daily Grind Thursdays
--I graduate in 2 weeks, but i will NOT grow up
--New TOMS on Monday (even though i had no business buying any more shoes)
--Pool and podcasts
--Kate Martin
--Tammy Gann for being so awesome and for always being so encouraging and teaching me so much
--the fact that I am going to stay in a cabin in the middle of nowhere in the mountains/lake this weekend with 8 of my very sweet friends
--the fact that I'll get to spend the day Saturday with my bffl Beth Moore! and I get to hear her talk about something that came at the best time!
-Im thankful for everyone else in my life too that I have been blessed to see over the past week!


There's more too, but that's about all i can think of for this exact moment...


In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.- John 16:33 NKJV

"Well all I have to say
About these serious days
And the condition of my heart
Is there both still as much a mystery to me
And they both get so hard
When I forget what its like just to die in your eyes
And when I live just to live n your arms
Well they say that a man can never go home
But I just can't get out of your front yard

What if I could be
Something more than me
They say that I got a disease
Of the human kind
Maybe all I know is
In your arms and in your eyes
I'm more than alive."--John Mark McMillan

As some of you know, I’m graduating college in May, and it’s been awesome to look back and see all of the opportunities that I have had over the past four years while I‘ve been at Georgia Southern. On June 27th through July 16th, I will be going back to Lima, Peru with Crosspoint Ministries for three weeks. The area we are going to is a suburb of Lima called San Juan de Luriganco. San Juan de Lurigancho is Peru’s poorest, most populous district. The people we will be serving are among the poorest of the poor, and most eat only one meal per day.

I went to Peru last October, and it was literally the best week of my life, and the experiences that I had in that short week changed me. This trip will be similar to the one from last fall. I'm really excited to be a part of the same things and serve some of the same people from the last trip. I will be able to build on the relationships and friendships that have already been formed, while meeting new people as well.

For the first week, I will be down there with a team of about 30 people. We will have the opportunity to serve and spend a lot of time with sexually and physically abused women and young children. Abuse is a huge problem in Peru, and it affects the majority of women there. I observed that the government in Peru is corrupt, and the women have no rights. The stories I heard last October from the women and children broke my heart. These women have had to endure a lot of pain, but because of God’s grace and mercy, they have been given hope and a second chance. I want for them to continue to see that God hasn’t forgotten about them and that He loves them. Over the past couple of years, God has built up a passion in my heart for issues like sexual exploitation and abuse, and my heart has continued to break more and more for women who have had to endure it. We’ll get to serve, minister, and pray with these women. We will also get to spend time with children from two different orphanages. We’ll get to visit and help out at a medical clinic, do construction, and we will get to hang out and minister to kids around the city. Each evening, we will be putting on a conference at the same church that we spent time with last October. We will also put on a youth rally at another church as well.

For the next two weeks, I will be staying with the family of the pastor we are serving with down there. I will get to help his wife and children, and I will assist him at the church and around the community. Their house and the church is right in the middle of the different ministries, so I’ll hopefully be able to also spend more time with the women from the shelter and the children from the orphanages as well as the people from the church and community. I’m excited about everything that I will get to be a part of while I am down there, and I’m eager about seeing what all God has in store for those three weeks. I know three weeks is still such a short time, but it will be the longest amount of time that I have ever been out of the country, and it is a next step for me to see if this is something that I God has for me for long term.

My heart is with Peru because on the one hand, I have never been to a place as destitute as San Juan de Lurigancho. However, on the other hand, I have never seen so much HOPE and dependence on God as I did while I was there. In the midst of a lot of poverty, brokenness, hurt, and despair, the people there do have a lot of hope. There is so much potential for Lima, and I want to be a part of it. I found out that out of the 8 million people in Lima, only 2% report to having a true relationship with Jesus Christ. However, I know that his can change because of the love and compassion that the people there have. They just need people to reach out to them, love them, tell them about the hope and future that God has for them (Jeremiah 29:11). However, in San Juan de Lurigancho, there is very little help from people outside of the community. In Matthew 28:19-20, Jesus says to go to all of the corners of the earth and to teach them everything He has commanded.

When I left Lima last October, I knew that I would be coming back. I feel like the week I spent there was only the beginning of what all God is doing down there. I know that MUCH GREATER things are still to be done there, so I want to go. I want these precious people to know that our God is a loving and compassionate God (psalm 86:15). I want them to know that although they have been hurt and broken, God saw their trouble, and HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS (Psalm 136), and He makes even the bad and painful things that happen to us work out for our good (Romans 8:28). Finally, I want them to know that they are redeemed by God because of His love and faithfulness and that He will restore them (Exodus 15:13). God has revealed these things to me while I have been in college, and other people have helped in showing me that. I’ve been so fortunate, and I feel that these people in Peru should have the same opportunity to experience His love. I want others to experience and know what I know, especially those that are broken and hurting. That is what I want to devote my life to, whether it is in America or internationally. I am seeking to be more independent in my identity with Christ, instead of relying on those around me. I know that in order to do this, I need to be looking for ways for God to humble me, so I am praying that He will do just that on this trip!

We need your help! I want you to be a part of our team by praying for us. I believe that God answers the prayers of those who seek Him, and I’m asking you to commit to praying for us in several ways: for God to equip our team, for the people we will be in contact with, the government in Peru, our safety, etc.

Also, the cost to cover my trip for the three weeks is $2000. I need to have the entire amount raised by the end of May. I have a long way to go, but I know that He will continue to provide. Whether it is praying for us, giving financially, or both, I am asking that you would pray about being on our team. I’m really excited, and I love talking about what God is doing with this trip, so if you have any questions you can call me at (912) 660-2305 or email me at Alison101887@bellsouth.net. Checks are tax-deductable and should be made out to “Crosspoint Ministries.” After praying about it, if you feel led, then checks can be given to me or mailed to me at: Alison Gay. 109 Herty Dr. Statesboro, GA 30458. Thank you so much for reading this, and for praying for Peru. I can’t wait to see how God is glorified through this trip. You can also look at my pictures on Facebook from my last trip to Peru:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/album.php?id=69703231&aid=2043360
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/album.php?id=69703231&aid=2043365

Me Viniste A Rescantar

So, I guess I'm not as good at this whole bloggig thing as I thought I would be...its been a couple of months. But I feel like the couple of times that I did actually want to say something, my life was once again changing, so it would be pointless. I know I'm kinda a dramatic person, but the past couple of months have been CRAZY. Today I haven't been able to get my mind off of the word "thankfulness." I have so much to be thankful for right now. God is providing for me, and even though I stress and worry, things really are beginning to fall into place. I'm at an awkward time in life...GRADUATING IN MAY!...but no grad school/seminary/atlanta/going overseas like I previously thought I would. Instead, I'm just staying right here in Statesboro...so watch out Statesboro. It sounds so weird, and I'm battling with it like crazy...because if I had to have it my way, I probably wouldn't be here. I'm glad that the majority of my close friends will be living here...but I feel like a lot of the things that make up that next step in my life aren't in Statesboro. I'm about to be in 4 weddings in the next 6 or 7 months, and I am so so so excited about that and so happy for my best friends...it's just weird that everybody is growing up and getting jobs and husbands, and I'll be in Statesboro...But things are somewhat falling into place, and God is continuing to show me how sovereign He is....and that's not to be said lightly. He knows what is perfect for me, and my life is anything but lame (duh), so I know there's an exciting road ahead. I struggle so much with being selfish and living out this vision that God has given me...I need to give everything I have everyday, no matter where I am...and there is SOMETHING INCREDIBLE going on in Statesboro, and I do want to be a part of it. There's so much going on here that is kept on the downlow. People don't talk about it, but it's there, and it needs to be talked about. Something big is going on here, but at the same time, I'm not feeling this whole America thing. I know I just need to give everything I have and just enjoy Him. If you're close to me, you probably know that I fail at this, but it's what God has called me to...to give it all. It's hard for me to do that in America. I just want to be honest and transparent with people, but I want there to be something different about me. I make so many mistakes every day, which is really cool if you think about it because it gives God so much room to keep changing me. There are times when my mouth and my heart are definitely not very honorable. I'll say or think things and I'm just like "omg, wow that was pretty lame Alison." I'm still learning so much...from God and from people all over the world...and that is what makes me enjoy Jesus. I've got a lot to learn though. I'm still really confused.

I just got back from Tapachula, Mexico. I got to spend the week with the most loving, amazing people. Since I've been in college, I've been so so so incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to go to different places to do mission work, both internationally and domestically. Just to be able to experience these opportunities is a blessing in itself. It's been so amazing to pour out some, feel like my life has purpose, and learn so much through these trips. Doing this kinda stuff is where I feel close to God. So, 8 of us (Tammy, Becca, Colleen, Caitlin, David, Jon, Spencer, and myself) were given the opportunity to go to Tapachula for a week. Since January, we have been meeting every Sunday night for about 2 hours to pray together, get to know each other better, and plan a retreat. I knew this trip was going to be different because we each had a packet that had pictures of each of the kids with their stories. We got the packet at the end of last fall, when we all felt called to go. So by the time spring break rolled around, we had been praying for these kids by name, fastng on occasion, and learning their names and faces. So, by the time we got there, I felt like I already knew them all. I'm so thankful that we had that sheet.
Anyways, about what all went down.....you should look at my pictures, because that tells more of the story, and it somewhat tells the stories of these people. But just a little background info...We went through a mission called Mission on the Move. Steve and Hope Shearhouse are the directors (Ma Hopie and Pop Steve). They have a ministry in Honduras and Tapachula. I've been to Honduras with them twice, so it was so cool to see what they do in Tapachula...It was completely different than Honduras. In Tapachula, they run an albergue, which is different from an orphanage because many of the kids do have parents, but they've asked for the ministry to take them in (it's kinda complicated). Most of the parents are in prison. But some have since then gotten out of prison for some reason or another, but they still can't take care of the children. Some of them, mostly the fathers are nowhere to be found. Some are in prison, some are nowhere to be found. Some are dead. I want so badly for people to hear about their stories, their lives, and what they've been through. And I've been praying about how much is too much to share, but they've had some terrible, awful things happen to them. To me, children are so so so innocent. Many of the children have been raped( by their own fathers and other men)...over and over again. Many have been sexually and physically abused. Some have been sex slaves, sold by their own fathers. Some have STD's. Some have witnessed their fathers commit murder. Some of their parents have been in gangs. Some of their parents have died becasue of their lifestyle. They've been neglected and disowned. Pretty much all of them have been exposed to drugs and/or alcohol. It's like a cycle, and it's a part of their culture. But because of God's grace and the ministry there, they have been rescued. They've been given life....and they have so much joy. Each child has a testimony that will tear your heart up...I don't care who you are or how you view Jesus... Each story shows God's faithfulness, and their lives exemplify one of my favorite verses--->Romans 8:28.

On Friday, March 12, We flew from Savannah--->Houston--->Mexico City---> Tapachula. We had a 5 hour layover in Mexico City and I'm a curious person and I love different cultures, so it was cool to just watch the people there. We got to Tapachula around 1 am, and Faustino (one of the house parents) drove us to the place where we would be putting on a retreat for the teenagers. For the next 3 days, we put on a retreat for them, and it was so cool to be a part of God working out this healing process in each one of their lives. We split up into teams because we did games and competition stuff throughout the weekend. We had different sessions, and we talked to them about worshipping God, dating/sex, serving, love/forgiveness, alcohol/drugs, and healing. By the last night, God had done so many miracles in their lives, and they had so much hope and joy on their faces, and it was so cool to watch that. The rest of the time we were there, we stayed at the albegues. There was a girl's home and a boys home, but they were right down the street from each other, so it's like a big family of 40 something kids/teens...ages ranging from 5-17. The guys on our team (Spencer, Jon, and David) stayed at the guys house, and Tammy stayed there too because she stayed in Hope and Steve's apartment that's connected to the guys home. The girls on our team (Colleen, Caitlin, Becca, and Me) stayed at the girls home. Both of the houses are beautiful---they were comfortable inside, even though it was so hott.... and there is just so much love and joy from all of the kids living there. We got to paint a lot because they're having an open house soon to promote their ministry. We painted some on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. But we got to be a part of a lot of other really cool stuff too. One of the days we took the younger kids, about 25 of them, to a water park. They were all really excited because they don't get to do stuff like that often. Obviously it wasn't a water park like we have here, but it was pretty legit I guess. I got to spend a lot of time with the most precious little girl you will ever meet! Her name is Leti. She's six, and I absolutely fell in love with her. She had never been in the water before, but she wanted to keep going down the slide, so she would sit in my lap, over and over and over again. I think i went down the slide like 30 times, and I was scared I was going to break my legs becasue the water was so shallow. But it was so much fun. I know I'm not the most responsible person yet, but I'm falling more and more and more in love with children, and it's cool to think about hopefully having my own one day. Anyways, the water park was a lot of fun.

Another thing we got to be a part of was going to the prison, where a lot of their parents are. I had never been to a prison before, much less a Mexican prison, and it was far from what I expected. The day before we went to the prison, we heard more awful stories about the things that these children had been through, and we were told that we would be meeting these men the next day....the same men that abused and manipulated these precious childen. The situation rises to a whole new level when you actually hold these children, play with these children, read to them, and live with them. It becomes more life like (if that makes sense). God has been continually bringing up the issue of justice in my life, and that is where my vision is--->to be a voice for those who don't have one, especially for women and children that are sexually exploited, which affects over 27 million people worldwide everyday...but thats a different story for a later day, and I'm still figuring out what to do with all that. I think I speak for several of us in saying that we wanted to go in there and put those men in their place and probably beat them up, but those thoughts went away, only because they had to...and that HAS to be God. It made me realize how hard it is to balance this whole compassion/grace and judgement. When you hear the stories, you want to be mad, but it takes God humbling you to realize who are we do judge what these men have been through? I've screwed up a lot in my 22 and a half years of life. I've hurt a lot of people too, and I've done some screwed up things too. and it's not my place to look down on them....and that is only because of God. I think it took a lot of humility for all of us. We spent a lot of time praying that night and the next morning, and God spoke to me through people on our team. We went to the men's prison first, and it was a lot different than what I expected. It was like a little community inside the prison. There were a lot of men who are of course locked in, but they are given the freedom to walk around in this little community as they please. They aren't given food in prison, but I think they are given a certain amt. of money each month to do with as they please. It has it's own economy because they make things to sell, and they sell food. They also have people bringing in things to them. It's corrupt, and drugs are involved in this whole process too. Their wives/girlfriends live with them in the prison. But even worse than that, children live there too. This broke my heart because it's like a vicious cycle.... Kids are raised in prison, so this is all they know, and they are bound to fall into the same lifestyle as their parents. We got to meet some of the parents, which gave us the opportunity to be Jeus to them. A couple of them had made the decision to try and change their life because of how God had changed their children. Right when we got there, I felt dizzy and I just didn't really know what to say, so I just prayed a lot. Tammy, Colleen, and Jon spoke, and I think between the 3 of them, it was exactly what they needed to hear. We then got to go next door to the womens' prison to meet Manuela, a mother of two of the guys in the albergue...Danny and Moi. She had also made a decision to give her life to Christ, because of her sons' forgiveness towards her and because of all they had shared with her. Sharing things that God is doing in my life is so so so so hard or me, so this was extremely encouraging to me. We got to pray over her and encourage her. Before we left, we saw women dressed in orange polo shirts that were in the women's prison. 2 days out of the week, the women are given the opportunity to go over to the men's prison to spend the night, have sex, and do whatever else...and it's right in front of the children. I could go on and on about the prison. The rest of the time we were there we had the opportunity to just hang out with the kids, paint, spend time with the older ones at night, and walk around the neighborhood and meet people. We got to go to the market, eat at 2 different garage type places, and really take in the culture. I LOVE THE CULTURE down there. Anyways, we got up really early Friday, and came home :(

I think that personally, I learned the most and was poured into the most in Tapachula than I've been on any other trip. I know this is cliche, and I know everyone says that when you go to serve somewhere, you end up leaving more blessed than the people that you served. But Tapachula Mexico brings that statement to life because I have never ever ever felt more loved and learned as much as I did when I was there....I almost feel kinda selfish for being so blessed by those kids. And then it makes me think how these kids, who have been through so much, can just keep going through life with so much hope. And while this is going on, we're in America living our overly comfortable lives. I mean, I get so mad when stupid little things don't work out the way I wanted them to. I've never come close to facing something like they have. I dont know if my faith is strong enough. Don't get me wrong, the children in the albergue get to live in a nice house, surrounded by other children, three meals a day, and they have incredible, loving house parents. But everybody longs for 2 biological parents, and nobody should EVER have to go through the awful things that these children have had to face. Sometimes it's so easy to not think about the 7 billion other people in the world, and it's easy to think of people in other countries as part of a different world.

Anyways, I guess it was hard for me to really think about what God w as showing me while I was there because we were so busy. But Thursday we had a little bit more down time than we had the other days, so I got to think a lot then, and then I thought a lot on the airplane and then I've been thinking since I've been home. I know it was only for a week, but I hate saying goodbye. It's the worst feeling ever. All day friday, saturday, and sunday, I felt so incredibly sad. I had regrets about things I should have done differently. I had the same feeling that I had when I came back from Peru....it's weird, but after both trips, it felt like I was going through a break up (as stupid as that sounds)...just like an emptiness...i know I'm dramatic, and it sounds weird because it's only for a week, but it's like you're a part of a family for a week, and it's a big tease because then you have to just leave. Everybody there was so welcoming to us, and I know that God used us, but I left there knowing that the people I was leaving are going to be taken care of, and that we were just a little piece of all that God has in store in their lives. Before we got there, I was so pumped because I thought that we were just going to change their lives, and they were going to leave as these changed people. While I'm 100% sure that they are changed,and that God used what we said to them, I found out quickly that God was already moving in their lives, and that we were just going to be a little part of that...that's really really humbling for me. I learned that God was wanting to do a lot in my life while I'm there, and like I said, I didn't really start feelining it until Thursday, and I'm still feeling it. This sounds kinda bad, but I'm going to be honest because maybe you can relate, but I felt like I was supposed to be thanked and treated with some sort of "niceness" or something for going there...and I even kinda had a break down about it...i think it was on Wednesday...kinda weird. But I found out that is not the case, and that I am called to go where God tells me to go when He tells me to go there....no matter what. I found out how much respect I have for Steve and Hope and the house parents, and it was awesome to get to pray for them on the last night we were there. This year, God's been showing me how much I NEED HIM and how I need to be more dependent on Him. I came back from Mexico feeling really confused, and I still feel confused. I don't feel like the lifestyle I WANT to have lines up with the lifestyle that I have in America. I feel like there is more to life, and I know that God has given me a desire to see the world, and share Him, but at the same time, I don't know if I can handle that. I feel confused, and I feel kinda far away from God. I know I just need to chill out, but I'm even more confused about what I'm supposed to do with my life. But it's really cool because at the same time I have this peace that He is taking care of me like He always has. Something big is about to happen. I was talking to my family Friday, and things just aren't looking too great with money. Since my senior year when my dad's contracting business went out of business, things have been off and on with money, and right now things are pretty tough. My little brother is 17 and they're supporting him, and they're supporting me. It sucks really really bad. I don't want them to have to support me or make huge sacrifices. My mom has a great job as charge nurse in the O.R at Memorial in Savannah, and I found out she's been working overtime and on the weekends. I don't want them to have to support me. But things are coming together, and my parents have seen that too, and God has gotten all the glory, and my parents have seen that. He is so good! I just want everyone to know that He is good. I've stressed some this semester because I don't have a set job for when I graduate. I'm going to Peru in June for at least a week...probably more (unless I can't because of the job that I'm hoping I'll have). And I need money for 4 bridesmaid dresses/gifts/showers for 4 wonderful brides/best friends, and I need to have money to live. Money just keeps coming in, and I've had two potential job offers in Statesboro :) which is kinda unheard of since EVERYONE is looking for a job. Also, right when I got back in the U.S, I called my mom from Houston, and she told me that I won the Sociology award, which according to the school and my department, that means I won $100. So that was a HUGE blessing to have that happen when money is so tight right now. I then went to my grandparents house where my car was, and I found out that my grandfather took my car to his dealership in Hinesville while I was gone and changed the oil, cleaned it outside and inside, and put almost a full tank of gas in there. Then I got to eat a wonderful meal with my family. And then I told my mom not wash my clothes because I didnt want her to have to do that, and I told her I would just do it when I got back to Statesboro, but I woke up Saturday morning and ALL my clothes were washed, dryed, and folded. So, God keeps blessing me :)

Speaking of my family, one of the main things God showed me, is that if Danny and Moi could talk to their mother in prison and tell her about all that Jesus had done in their lives, especially after the berayl and everything they had been through, then how could I not do that? Like I said, we got to meet their mother, Manuella, in the womens' prison, and I got to see the hope that she had. She told us that when Danny and Moi visit her, they share everything about what God is doing. I've always wanted a family I could do that with, and so I think I finally realized that sometimes it takes more than trying to be an example, and I need to take action. I want so badly for my family to know the same God that I do... So, I learned so much from a 17 year old and a 14 year old telling me their story, which represents how much power is in each of their stories. So, I got to tell Danny on the last night, in the best Spanish that I could, thank you for sharing His story, and that because He shared His story, I was going to share it with my family too. Finally, the last thing ( I think) is that it was easy for me to come back and be sad to be back in America, but I woke up early this morning and realized that that is exactly what the devil wants. Because when I dwell on that, I'm not going to take action. I don't really know what's coming next, but I do know that because of what I saw in Tapachula, I want to give everything....I want my heart to be right, and I want to live one day at a time. I need to be thankful for what God is doing in my life right now. I'm reading this book right now by Brian Houston called "For this I was Born." it's about vision, and I read this quote today that says, "You may think that the Lord has called you to the global, but if you are not faithful in the here and now with what may seem small, you will not ever be faithful or trusted with much." Also, one of my favorite singers is Brooke Fraser, mostly because of her heart and her desire for justice in the world, and she's cool and funny and a good singer...anyways......she has a song called "Albertine" about Rwanda and a girl that she met there, and how she promised the people there that she would tell everybody their stories. Anyways, my ipod is on shuffle most of the time, and I think it's come on like 5 times since I've been back. It's based on James 2---> the whole faith with deeds. Anyways, she says: "Now that I have seen,I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead. Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go..." and then she goes on to say, "I will tell the world. I will tell them where I've been. I will keep my word. I will tell them, Albertine." God wants us to tell others what we have seen and what we've done and what we've been through. The precious people in Mexico changed my life by just telling me their story. I was given much, so much is expected (Luke 12).

I learned a lot from the people on my team. In case they're reading, I just want them to know that I've been thinking about them a lot the past couple of days and I'm so thankful...this is kinda corny, but ya'll mean alot to me:
-Tammy: there is no other person that can do what you do. Thank you for being the leader that I could never be. Thank you for being our leader in Mexico. Out of eveybody I have ever met in my life, you are most definitely in the top 3 most influential, wisest people I have ever met. I can list many other people who think the same thing about you. Thank you for always listening to me and always encouraging me, even when you probably thought I was crazy.
-Colleen: you are my best friend, and I'm so glad we had those 8 hrs in the Miami airport 2 years ago to bond and find out that we were meant to be best friends. I know I have a hard time being serious with you, but I'm glad our lives are changed forever now. You have so much compassion. You're going to be a great mom, and you set an example for me.. and you especially showed me that in Mexico. You always have the best wisdom when I really need it. God is sovereign! and I can't wait to see where He sends you. I love you pookie face.
-Becca: God has used you so much in my life over this whole experience i call college. Makapokey changed my life. You are beautiful, and thank you for always encouraging me in that area. I'm so excited(and jealous) for you to go back to Mexico for 3 monthssssssss!!!!! YOU are the one that God chose for that, and YOU are the only one that can go do that. You are going to be the biggest encouragement to them, like you've been to me.
-Caitlin: I'm glad that I got to spend the week with you and get to know you better in Mexico :) Thanks for sharing so much, and for being so open about forgiveness. I know that God used you to show them the power of forgiveness. Thanks for putting up with me..especially on those nights when me and colleen didn't want to sleep and we probably kept you up. sorry about that. And thanks for showing me how to paint that zig zag way, and for being so nice about it and not telling me I suck at painting (which I know I do).
-David: I'm glad that I got to lead that serving session with you. I definitely needed to hear everything that you said in it....about the whole humility thing and not taking on too much. I guess thats why you said it and not me..because I needed to hear it. And on the night before going to the prison, thanks for sharing about just praying when you don't know what to say. Those words kept running through my head when we were in the there.
-Jon: Thank you for all of your wisdom, at exactly the right times that I need to hear it. You're somebody that I've looked up to the past 3 or 4 years. Thanks for all the advice about staying in Statesboro. You encourage me to give all I have no matter where I am. I know God is going to keep using you in Statesboro.Thanks for encouraging all of us to share what we saw. I can't wait to see that video. its going to be amazing, and I know that God is going to use it to change lives.
-Spencer: Thank you so so so much for translating for all of us... Im especially thankful for you translating for me and colleen during the drugs/alcohol session because that discussion that we all had afterwards was powerful. Those people over there adore you, and you've played such a huge role in their lives, and I know that you're going to continue to. I don't know how you do all that you, but I admire you.

Anyways, that took a really long time to write, but I have so much to say about my trip and just life in general. I'm really confused, and I know I've hurt some people lately. I have a big mouth that gets me in trouble. I think I need more confidence, but I don't really know how to get it. I'm trying to take a step back from everything, and figure out what's next. I'm kinda in this weird transition stage. I have a weird heart that changes it's mind everyday what I want to do. I'm sure people get frustrated with me and think I'm over dramatic and/or weird, but it really does change weekly what I want to do. As you can see, I also ramble a lot, and I'm weird..But I know that God is faithful, and He is showing me that every single day, despite my imperfections (which I have a lot of them). I'm praying that atleast one of the jobs will work out. I just want to live everyday with everything I have. I want to be content with only Jesus. He is constantly showing me all that I have to be thankful for. I'm so thankful for the wonderful people that surround me. I'm thankful that everything is working out and that my family is seeing that it is working out. My mom told me before I left how proud she was of me and how I have all these wonderful things going on. She said that the bumper sticker that says "I'm Jesus' favorite" was meant for me because of all the wonderful things going on. It's easy for me to see that when I get out of my little world with my little problems and see the bigger picture...LOVE. There was so much more that I wanted to say to them in Mexico, but mi espanol es muy mal, so it was hard, and i got frustrated. I want to go to language school now...really really soon!...so I think you should consider paying for it........ But I'm sure that something else will come up next week. Anyways, that's about it :)
Love, Alison

January 2nd- 5th I was in Atlanta for Passion, and it was ammmaazzzziiinnggg. I’m not very good with writing, so it’s kinda hard to express how awesome it was, but I was so encouraged, yet very humbled by all that God showed me. Ok, so if you’re reading this, I’m warning you that it’s really long, but it’s going to be really good for me to write this for myself because I still haven’t really journaled about my COMPLETE experience, and I figured maybe it would encourage someone else to read it to…So if you feel like reading a novel on how AMAZING and REAL God is then you should continue reading I guess. I learned so much. There is so much hope for this generation. College students have so much passion for what they believe in, whatever it may be…and it was so cool to be surrounded by over 21,000 people around my age learning about and worshipping God for 4 days. Everything I’m going to say may sound really weird because it’s hard for me to explain it, and if you’re reading this and you don’t know me or you haven’t talked to me in awhile then you’re going to think I’m really really weird. But you probably already think I’m weird anyways, (and that’s ok) so I guess I don’t really have anything to lose.

I think the thing that meant the most about this conference was that I left there truly believing that God is *real*, and I experienced Him in a way that I never had before. It’s really easy as a Christian to say “I know that God is real.” I mean, that’s the easy answer to give…and the answer that is expected of you if you are a Christian… but to be completely honest, sometimes I feel like I don’t really act like He is real. I can be self-centered, and I try to take control of my own life, and therefore I am taking away from God being completely real in and glorified through my life.

I think that it’s sooooo easy to go to a conference as HUGE, powerful, and eye-opening as Passion and to be changed. How could you not be changed? You leave there on this really big high…you tell everyone that it changed your life forever. But then classes start back, real life situations are thrown at you, people let you down, and the people surrounding you aren’t as happy as the people at the place where you had the xperience. When I went to Passion ’07 three years ago, I was a freshman, and I didn’t even really know what it was all about. Looking, back, I feel like I was a really confused person…or I guess I still am, but I have definitely grown a lot since then. That year, I left there feeling like a different person. I know that God did a lot in my life that weekend, but I kinda lost that excitement and the vision that I had while I was there. I feel that it’s really easy as a Christian, or at least it is for me, to hear from God, have a change of heart, have visions/experiences, and then to just lose that focus after awhile. The high wears off if I take my eyes off Christ and don’t hold onto it. So, I feel like it’s a dangerous place to be in to come back from a great experience, but I truly feel like this time is different only because now I truly see God in a different way than I ever have before.

Ok, this is why I view God in a different way: I’m still trying to figure all this out, and I haven’t even really talked about it too much yet…but on the last night, John Piper spoke about the magnificence of God and how He is a jealous God. (exodus 34:14 and Deuteronomy 4:24). So, I guess because I was extremely tired, ,my body was shutting down while he was talking, and I was fighting really really hard to stay awake...even tootsie roll pops weren't helping. I figured I already knew what he was talking about, so I have to be honest and say that I was like, “hmmm this is kinda repetitive, and I already know this, and this doesn’t really apply to me, so I don’t think I really care about listening.” After he was finished speaking, I even told my friends around me that I didn’t really get anything out of that, and I didn’t’ understand because I was falling asleep. After that, we were all walking in silence back to our family groups, and it’s really cool to be in the middle of 21, 000 people walking to the same place in silence… As I was walking, and as the night went on in my family group and when Hillsong United was playing, God was like BAAMMM…and I realized that the reason I didn’t even care about John Piper’s message was simply because it didn’t pertain to me getting something from God, but instead it had to do with forgetting myself so God can receive glory…So I guess that I really needed a wake up call. I feel like this whole time I’ve been worshipping God because of the joy that I get from Him, and because of the miracles I’ve seen, and that’s all good and everything, but until now, I feel like I don’t worship God for His greatness and magnificence. He is a creator, and He created all things, and his word says that He is jealous for me, and He doesn’t want me to have any idols in my life--things that distract me from how great and wonderful He really is. For once, when I think about Him, I cannot even start to comprehend it. The same God that created the universe and everything that surrounds me, made me and knows me better than anyone else ever could. He knows everything about me, and everything about you. And now I’m like, how can I not just get really really excited and lift my hands and freak out whenever I worship Him? How can I not pray on my knees or on my face so that He can be higher than me? So, I just want everyone out there to know that our God is real…and that’s not something to just be said just to say it or to be taken lightly. I think I’ve found that true joy does come from giving Him praise…So.. John Piper, if you’re reading this…and I’m sure that you are…I’m sorry that I was confused and that I couldn’t really stay awake when you were speaking, but thanks for sharing something so powerful.

Also, my eyes were opened up to justice in a whole new way. PSALM 112!!! God puts different things on our hearts. He gives us all differnt desires to make His kingdom great. All I know is, God has given me a heart for people who can’t help themselves…like truly can’t help themselves. When I actually allow Him to use me and use my heart and start to be serious, my heart breaks for those who are hurting and those who don’t even have a voice to speak up for themselves. When I actually quit thinking about myself and the desires that I have for MY life, God uses me, even though I’ve messed up over and over again. At Passion, it was amazing to see over 21,000 people (about 95% of them probably between 18 and 25 years old) make a huge surrender, whether by giving money or just by having a change of heart for God’s people in this world we live in. The past couple months or so I’ve been feeling really discouraged by just all the need in the world and not being able to do anything really about it, but from what I witnessed in Atlanta, I am so encouraged now to see what we, as the church of Jesus Christ, can do to accomplish great things in this world in His name. God wants to turn the unfortunate into fortunate, and we need to rise up. I went to a breakout session called Worship + Justice with Louie Giglio, Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, Joel Houston, and Marilyn Skinner. They all gave insight on experiences they’ve had and how God has opened their eyes up to the hurting people in this world who are basicaly without a voice to speak up for themselves. They were all sooo passionate, but the one that stood out the most to me was Marilyn Skinner. I had never heard of her before, but she is now probably the most passionate person I know…even more than beth moore….like beth moore times 10… but long story short, her and her husband planted the Watoto Church in Uganda. Uganda has been devastated by genocide and aids, and many very very very young children have and are continuing to have their future stripped away from them, and their damaged physically and emotionally-something like 17,000,0000 i think she said. So they also started Watoto Children’s Ministries ( I think that’s what she said it’s called) to help give refuge to thousands of children in Uganda that have been affected by war and/or aids. She kept talking about faith vs. fear, and that has really stuck with me.Are we going to move in faith, or be held back because of our fear?

Earlier that morning, God used Andy Stanley to prepare me for that break out session. I’ve been on this kick lately where I’ve been telling people that I know that my career is going to be on the mission field, and that I don’t ever feel like I’m going to have a steady job…It’s just going to kinda be “on the go.” I’m not even going to grad school anymore. I just know that now and after I graduate in May, it’s just going to be about waiting on Him to equip me, provide, and send me…Whether in Statesboro or somewhere else, I think He just wants us to surrender to Him and not just live life and go through the motions. While I know that most people will have a normal job with a salary involved, I truly feel like every single one of us that claims our hope in Christ has been called to rise up and not just simply live life. God needs people at stable, carreer type jobs to pour out His love on others, and He needs people that just kinda go wherever…but in both of these circumstances, He is calling each one of us to do something great with our lives…and I mean really do something great…and that gives me chills. It’s easy to get caught up in ourselves and just go through the motions. But God is calling US to do great things right where we are in His name. The main thing I got out of what Andy Stanley said was the word integrity. I really am a crazy person, and I can be loud and obnoxious, and I say that I’m going to quit being like that and grow up..you know…find a husband and have a real job, but I just can’t..I guess that’s who I am, but I still need to strive more to have integrity. I want to be a leader worth following, and I want to go when God tells me to go. He said, “It’s always a mistake to decide what you want to do with your life before you decide who you’re going to be,” and I guess I am still searching in that area.

Going back to the second day...it was amazing. My best friend, Beth Moore spoke about how God equips us to do what He has called us to do. I need to be asking myself: In what ways am I expecting God to work in my life? She focused a lot of it on Hebrews 13:20-21, and I’ll share it because it’s soo good: “May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever.” Since it’s Beth Moore, I of course took good notes. She talked about the 4 ways in which God equips us: preparing us, adjusting us, repairing us, and filling us. Later on that day she did a breakout session about discernment. I know I kid around about Beth Moore, and I make it sound like I’m obsessed with her, but in all seriousness, she is one of the most beautiful people I know, and I just really admire her testimony and how she has allowed God to shine through her as He has used some of the negative things that have happened in her life and turned them into good. She’s so cool and she’s made such a huge impact in my life. In the middle of her breakout session, people were starting to get up while she was talking so they could go get their Hillsong United tickets (they were first come, first serve, and I think there was a rumor that they only had like 12,000 or so to give away). They were going to play that night for late night. We didn’t get up though while Beth Moore was talking (until when she was almost done) and then we didn’t get ticketttsssss! Long story, but there was a lot of miscommunication and they had given away all of the tickets when they really hadn’t. It was really weird, but I have never seen such craziness trying to get these tickets. Haha, well we were pretty bummed because it seemed like everyone got them but us, and then that night they announced that they were sorry they had screwed up, and United was going to play both nights now and we would be split up by our wristbands, so everyone would be able to go now! And we would get to go the last night. Yay. I guess I’ll go ahead and talk about that and say that it is so much fun to worship with them, but you probably already knew that.

On the second night, Francis Chan spoke, and I can say that I truly fell more in love with Jesus just from the worship experience that I had. Rachael’s friend saved us seats on the side of the stage, so we were so close, and we could see down into the side pit of the stage. Chris Tomlin, Kristian Stanfill, and Christy Nockels all led, and it was sooo cool to look to the left and I could see everyone in there just worshipping God. (where we were sitting, it was easy to see everyone in there)And then I looked down into where people were standing next to the stage and that’s where the sign language people are to assist the deaf people that are there.It was probably one of the most beautiful things I will ever witness to see people worshipping in sign language. If you know sign language I will love you forever if you teach me! It was beautiful. And then I looked down and Francis Chan is like right below us, like 10 feet away from us, just worshipping God, and it always encourages me to look at people worshipping when they look like they are desperate for God to use them and work through them. I dunno if you’re getting a picture of this. Maybe you had to be there. But it was soooo cool. He spoke about grace and God’s compassion towards us, his children, and how we have everything we need in Him. The main thing that stuck with me though was how he used the word “trembling.” He said that we need to tremble at His word. God is so great, and I need to be excited to dive into His word. I want the excitement that I used to have about reading His word. I put it off a lot. Isaiah 66:2 says “Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word.”

I already talked about this a little bit, but at Passion, they have a “Go Center” to bring awareness to 12 different non-profit organizations. (you can see all of them at onemillioncan.com). There was a lot going on down there, and you could give money to help fund these causes, and there were goals for each one. They didn’t announce this until the last day, but I guess I’ll go ahead and say that almost $700,000 was given in just those 4 days. Anyways, they announced at the end that a couple heard about the movement, and they were so inspired by a bunch of college students giving all that money, so they decided to match it. So, basically $1.4 million was raised for these causes. One cause that meant a lot to me was NOT FOR SALE to bring awareness to and rescue those who have been affected by human trafficking. They money given would go to fund outposts in India to rescue these women. The goal was to get one outpost funded, but I think almost 4 were funded! Wow. Like I said earlier, it really encouraged me to see over 21,000 people, most between the ages of 18 and 25 years old, give what they have.

Also in the Go Center, there was this really cool organization called Go Now Missions (gonowmissions.com) They’re partnered with a lot of different mission organizations, and they try to hook you up to get where God is calling you to. Anyways, my friend, Nikki Long, was there. She’s played a big part in my life since I’ve been in college with just some of the wisdom she gave me my first two years before she moved to Africa. There are several things that she just said during those first 2 years that will always stick with me, and anyways, we were talking, and I was telling her about how my heart is just all over the place, and everything I see or hear, I’m like “wow, I’m going to do that with my life.” Anyways, you know when you’ve heard something over and over again, but finally someone tells you again and for some reason you’re just like “wow, thanks God…I get it” like you get goosebumps and everything…well I was telling her about how I’m always on the go, and she was like, “you just need to stop and listen.” The exact words “stop and listen” have been running through my head the past month or so, and it was so weird that she said the exact words. THAT is God’s calling for my life. To stop and listen to what He is calling me to do instead of just throwing myself into everything and freaking out about not getting exact answers. No wonder I feel like I don’t have any direction. Anyways, that was a good moment.

Ok, there is soooo much more I could write about, but I think I’m about to stop. I really feel like I had a huge turn of heart. I want to hold tightly to my joy and the things that I learned. I know that the Passion ministry/268 generation is based off of Isaiah 26:8, but I think the scripture that sums it all up is Philippians 2. Louie talked about it the last morning, which is cool beause it’s definitely one of my favorite pieces of scripture. It’s not about making promises to God, but instead it’s about total 24/7 surrender to having the same mindset as Jesus. I think that if we can live by that, then we can live like how we lived at passion on a normal regular day wherever we are. I want Jesus to be at the center of everything I do. I want to have integrity. I want to be blameless. I want to know when to be serious and when it’s appropriate to be crazy (I’m still working on this). I want to strive with all that I have to think and act like Jesus. I don’t want to promise God anything, and I know that I’m going to continue to fall every day. My favorite verse, the one that is tattooed on my foot so I can tell everyone about it, is Philippians 3:13-14 (“Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”) I want to press on no matter what is thrown my way. I want to make His name great. I want to be thankful for where I am in RIGHT NOW. I want to praise Him for my circumstances. I want to consider others better than myself. I want Christ’s love + worship + justice to shine through me. I want to have integrity. I don’t want to be materialistic. Ok, here is another thing…why do we complain about what we don’t have? I know that’s really surface level, but especially last summer I was sooo crazy for complaining about the way my life was, when it was Jesus that endured the most pain..for me, and for you, and for the alcoholics, and addicts, and prostitutes, and other people that get looked down upon. We have so much to be thankful for. I know I’m going to let people down…but I want to have a pure heart. I know that I can’t do that on my own. On my own I gossip and talk bad about people, but through Christ I have integrity and I am blameless in what comes out of my mouth. I have broken God’s heart, and I have wasted so much of mine, by how I have talked about people and how I was jealous about people in the past. I know I’m a girl, and if you’re really honest with yourself, you probably have too, but I’ve been questioning now more than ever why we can’t just look at what people have to offer instead of tearing each other down. If I’m content with what Jesus is doing in my own life then I have no room to even think about people in a judgmental way. That is how I want to be. I could keep going, but I guess you get the picture.

Like I said earlier, I feel like it’s a dangerous place to be in—to come back from an experience like this. Louie said on the last day that it can’t be just an “emotional, feel-good, turnaround.” But instead it needs to be a “theological movement.” To me, the goal in all of this is to have the same mindset of Christ. I don’t care anymore about going to grad school or getting a stable job or going to another country. From now on, I am going to actually stop and listen to what God is calling me to do, and I don’t care if people look down on me for what I do after I graduate…or if they think it’s not stable enough. On the way back, I talked to my mom for awhile on the phone, and even she was like, “you just need to take a step back after you graduate, quit going full speed, and wait.” My parents have been asking me a lot lately what I’m going to do when I graduate. I tell them that I don't know and I'm not worried abou tit, and they're like, "well yeah because you've never had to pay bills before, and we're kinda cutting you off, so you should be worried about it." So this meant sooo much for her to be on my side. God calls us all to do different things- to make something great of ourselves so we can make Him great. We were made to worship Him. And we were made to be used by HIM to help turn the unfortunate into fourtunate!! I know now that whatever it is, God will supply the power. “I move in faith, You supply the power.” I get it now…thanks God. I can only live life the way that He wants me to by surrendering to Him 24/7 and constantly putting others before me…for real!!!!! I’m pumped up now just from writing this, so if you’re close with me then you know that I struggle a lot with all these things I just talked about so you need to just slap me in the face when I lose this focus. As disciples, we should WANT others to see Christ shine through us, wherever we are at, and I want people to see Him on my face. I want to just stop and listen to Him and quit trying to make my own plans. I’m pretty pumped. Things make sense now. I see now why God completely changed the direction my life was headed in. I know I say this a lot, and it's almost chiche, but He really does make EVERYTHING work to our good, even when we don't see it (romans 8:28). I believe that he rescues us out of situations that we knew deep down inside that we didnt need to be in anyways, and he changes our hearts to match His when we actually allow Him to. I feel like I had some regrets, but I don't feel that way now. I know why things happened. I know why I'm a sociology major. I know why I have awesome people surrounding me.

Everything is starting to make sense. Wow, I wrote a lot. Thanks God for answered prayers in my life and my friends lives. This has been the best Christmas break ever. And I feel like I have the best friends and people surrounding me right now, and I pray that we can all just continue to build each other up.